I had/still have some similar issues to what you're describing. Drove me crazy, killed so many SPS and couldn't figure out why because all params tested within range. I've finally got to the point where my SPS are starting to color a bit.. still a long way to go but things are finally looking up after battling for 3 years.
I attribute this to a few things (in order of importance):
- Stability. People would tell me this and I got frustrated because I felt like I was stable. I went through a few periods of frustration and kinda ignored my tank. To my surprise when I stopped messing with things, I saw a slight improvement. This lead me to make very meaningful small changes and wait weeks between. Super hard because of how much I want to fix stuff and I felt like I could always improve. This must have just stressed out the SPS.
- Testing alk every 2-3 days and all other params monthly. I think dialing alk in and keeping it +/- 0.3 (or better) is important. I tried alk every where between 6 to 10 and have settled around 7.5 now, but stability here is important.
- Apex controller for automation - being lazy in reefing can have its benefits if done right. In my experience, the less I mess with the tank the better. To assist with this, the apex controller has been invaluable. Being able to watch/log/control everything and zoom out to see the big picture over months. having one place to keep all my information also helps and makes it more likely for me to be engaged and notice problems before they become disasters.
- dosing micro elements. I used to just dose 2 part and do 10% water changes every other week. I feel like after 2-3 years of doing this, you lose some of the micro elements. I started using aquaforest balling method to supplement this. this also lead to me doing less water changes (more stability). I watched the triton videos from BRS on youtube and this seems to reaffirm my feelings. however, I'm sending in ICP test to see where I'm at.