Hello, and welcome to R2R!
Just to make things easier, have you ever considered an All-In-One (AIO) tank? When it comes to return pumps, most tanks have ones decent enough to get you started and you can upgrade them to suit your needs down the line. As for lights, you're going to find a mix of options. For softies you can get away with almost anything on the market, from Chinese Black Box style lights, to consumer lights such as Kessil, AI, Current USA or Radion. If you want to not go LED, you'd also be fine with T5's. Right now the world is your oyster when it comes to options, so I can understand it being overwhelming.
If I were in your shoes, I'd go with an AIO tank and start with either Kessil or AI. The model and size will all depend on the floorprint dimensions of the tank you're looking to illuminate. If you're looking to light something with the floorprint of a 20 High (24"x12") I'd look at a single Kessil 160we or AI Prime HD. If you were looking at something with the floorprint of a 20 Long (30"x12") I'd consider doubling up the lights. Regardless with softies they are very forgiving.
If you're looking for something to hit the ground running, look into the Innovative Marine (IM) tanks. Bulk Reef Supply and Marine Depot as well as many other retailers carry them and they are bundled with a lot of the things you will need minus the lights. There are other companies as well, but my main experience with AIO's are limited to IM, Cobalt Aquatics, and Current USA. More recently IM and Cobalt Aquatics are my go to tanks, but I believe the Cobalt AIO's may be discontinued.