Most insane TSA story of all.
I was working under contract 10 days a month in Indiana. I have always been an electronics buff, especially audio equipment. Many don't know this but Radio Shack used to sell some rebranded very high end drivers for speakers. Anyhow, during my travels, I would pass a Radio Shack and check to see if they had NOS speakers in on clearance and snatch them up. I have an extensive collection of them.
So on this particular trip, I made a huge haul from a franchise store going out of business. Parts, speakers, wiring, etc. I had two duffle bags full and paid to have a box taken with me as well.
This was my last trip on the contract and they presented me with a very nice bonus check and a clock with the company logo on it. I was surprised and grateful that they appreciated my work. So, in the box went the clock for safe keeping on the journey home.
About 5 minutes after checking the ON TIME notificiation for my flight switched to DELAYED. Weird. I flew in and out of South Bend over 20 times and never had a delay. Not even a hiccup. I thought "Man! I wish I would have grabbed some to go coffee from the hotel"
About that time, I was paged to the boarding desk. Weird. I have NEVER been paged in an airport before. Literally, hundreds of flights and no one ever asked for me. Maybe the pilot needed my help to make sure the plane was up to snuff. After all, I probably had flown more miles than he had. Yep, that must be it. So, off to the desk I go, sure of my abilities to make sure all these (4) people made it home safely.
Only, when I got to the desk, I was not greeted by a worried Captain, nope, I was greeted by two men and woman in dark suits, sunglasses and guns drawn! WHAT THE WHAT?! Apparently you all don't realize I need to inspect this plane so no one dies. You should just let me be and get on with harassing someone else.
At that point saying "Well I am glad my armed escort is here" was probably the wrong thing to say. I was, literally, dragged into a room where all of my luggage and the contents of the box were strewn out on a huge blue tarp. Including my dirty clothes. They did the stereotypical bright light in my face whilst forcing me into a metal chair in the middle of the room and started questioning me about my bomb making skills. HUH? I build speakers folks. "Then why is there a clock and a bunch of electronic parts in the box you insisted on being put in the hold?" First off, I didn't insist, I inquired and the lady was glad to accept $22.50 to put it there. Second, what the heck good does a clock, some wire and parts do with out any incendiary material?
Apparently, that sounded too much like I knew what I was doing. (I gotta get my smart mouth under control)
I was strip searched in front of everyone. BTW, NEVER EVER ask the female TSA agent with a gun if she likes what she sees. (She did have a very nice Sig .40 though)
After they finally realized that there was no explosive material or even batteries in the clock, they agreed to ban me from flying for 90 days and allow me on the flight.
I had to throw everything in the duffles, box and suitcase while trying to put on my clothes and shoes and make it across the tarmac to a plane that was already done loading passengers.
I made it home. The entire flight a really stern looking gentleman with a bulge under the left side of his member's only jacket, watched me like a hawk.
I have only flown once since then in all these years. I think it's best the TSA and I stay apart as much as possible.
