Really like this analogy, and I totally agree. I guess it really all boils down to what kind of work people are willing to put into their tanks. Also what "Bob" considers a lot of time spent on maintenance is not necessarily what "Joe" considers a lot of time spent on maintenance. Our tanks, nano or large, are as different as the people setting them up. It all depends on the approach.
To this point however, I've never heard of a water change being "harsh"... If anything when we see a problem, most often the first advice given is "do a water change". Also, for a lot of people that keep SPS/LPS heavy nanos, water changes are a primary source of stable dKH, Ca, and Mg. I could see going a long time without a water change, letting Alk be depleted, then doing a water change with a significantly higher Alk being a major problem.
I guess my stance on rock and sand essentially breaks down like this. Get some rock and scape your tank how you want, but you can't just completely fill it up. If it happens to be 5 lbs or 15 lbs as long as there's ample room so be it. Sand, as long as it's less than 2" and it's stirred every so often or vacuumed when you do a water change there shouldn't be an issue. Again, just my take.