Others know much more than me, but I will repeat what I was told by a very experienced person in RL just yesterday. No water changes and no fish until Ammonia and Nitrite are both 0. There's two kids of bacteria you are trying to grow. Those that convert Ammonia to Nitrite, and those that convert Nitrite to Nitrate. Ammonia and Nitrite can kill fish, Nitrate generally can not. Point being, you've been dosing Ammonia, fish food, rotting shrimp... whatever, to feed those bacteria. Nitrite is part of the food some of your important bacteria need to grow. If you water change it out, you hurt your chances of building up their numbers sufficiently.
I share your frustration
I'm going through my first tank cycle as well. The bottle of bacteria says this, youtube says that, and you can get different opinions from very experienced people. We're not even always talking about the same thing. Some people are referring to the Nitrogen cycle (you and I... WHEN CAN I ADD FISH), others are referring to a much longer process of tank maturation for SPS corals or anemonies. Then, there are people who talk about how their tank is nearly cycled and how their clean up crew is doing a great job keeping the algae at bay. "How can they have fish and snails eating algae if the cycle isn't done yet?" I ask myself.
In your instance, I've seen videos and articles saying no skimmer, no reactors during the cycle and I've seen other very reputable people say run your filtration and let the tank "cycle around it". I'm pretty sure I've seen the same organization say both, but like two or three years apart. Display tank lights on or off, there are different opinions. I'm not qualified to offer an opinion on your phosphate levels, but there have been some interesting observations. My limited understanding is that there is little risk in allowing phos during your cycle, as you can WC or dose it out once your cycle is done.
The one thing no one seems to disagree on though is time. I've been told 4-8 weeks, consistently, with an emphasis on 5-8. I've probably asked 5 people in RL and dozens on the forums. EVERYONE says time.
The only real alternative with demonstrable success is a fish cycle, not a fishless like we're doing. Aside from not being popular, I'd say that ship has sailed for you and I, as we've already fouled up our water to the point where there can be no debate that adding a fish would be cruel and likely fatal.
In summary, I'm not writing you this long post because I have any special knowledge. Prob everyone commenting in this thread has forgotten more than I know. Just sharing your pain. Best of luck.
