Lol fair enough. And no problem. Google is a helpful tool.
Here’s a similar case though.
https://www.reef2reef.com/threads/help-needed-to-quiet-down-bean-animal-overflow.280258/page-2
In your case though it sounds like it’s your vented pipe causing all the noise. Without seeing your system physically it’s hard to nail it down.
But the standpipe level into the sump is basic physics. Look it up.
Id cut the pipes regardless if it were me, but if that doesn’t work, you may just have way too much flow running through the system and valving down your return will fix it, and/ or throwing a gate valve on your vented pipe. I would play with both. Sure, you’ve got a ton of turnover through both channels which is nice, but micro bubbles and noise isn’t something I’m down with personally.
To recap I’d cut the pipes in relation to the sump/waterline, id throw a quality gate on the vented pipe and I’d play with the return pump output with a valve.
Alright I’m out Dude! Gotta take the lady out tonight.