How can I stop thinking about the hobby ?

ZhiYung · Jun 19, 2019

Hi guys ! This sounds ridiculous

but as the title stated, how can I stop thinking about this crazy addictive hobby ? I've been out of the hobby for 4 months since the moment my son was born, due to lack of maintaining time and money, I have to dry out my tank

.
But from that moment, I have become sth like a reef's addict, everyday, every single day, I just can't stop finding post, threads about fish, coral,..etc and reading them all day long. My wife is getting annoyed because I spent time on those reefing's forums, reefing's vlogs on Youtube to much instead of caring for my newborn. Sometimes, I even day dreaming about my future tank (calculate the cost, fishes, corals, ... ) but then wake up to find out that I don't have enough time or money to get back, LOL.
What should I do guys ? Should I see a doctor ?

tehmadreefer · Jun 19, 2019

Do what I did when my son was born. Put up a 180g 2 months later! Why ppl feel the need to sell or take down a tank just cos a child is born makes no sense.

Style185 · Jun 19, 2019

I like to match the cash I spend on the family with my reef tanks lol there comin along nicely haha

tehmadreefer · Jun 20, 2019

Mainting a tank is cheap and low maintenance.

Take an hour or 2 for yourself to test and do water change once a week or even every other week. Dont buy corals or fish, just let them grow out for a while. Easy to do things on the cheap and no need to mess with a tank everyday.

Dodgersallday · Jun 20, 2019

Thus is not a hobby. It’s a luxury activity.

Dodgersallday · Jun 20, 2019

Delete REEF2REEF app from all devices

Style185 · Jun 20, 2019

I can set you up for 500$ for a sweet setup and you wouldn't have to buy all at once! It's doable you don't need all the flash n glam. Don't let my status "member" fool ya I've been in the hobby for years! Slower is faster as well as if it ain't broke don't fix it lotta good equipment that gets passed off for newer more expensive "better" equipment is farce

keep looking on your sites n yt just when the wife ain't lookin

happy reefing!

Waynerock · Jun 20, 2019

ZhiYung said:
Hi guys ! This sounds ridiculous but as the title stated, how can I stop thinking about this crazy addictive hobby ? I've been out of the hobby for 4 months since the moment my son was born, due to lack of maintaining time and money, I have to dry out my tank .
But from that moment, I have become sth like a reef's addict, everyday, every single day, I just can't stop finding post, threads about fish, coral,..etc and reading them all day long. My wife is getting annoyed because I spent time on those reefing's forums, reefing's vlogs on Youtube to much instead of caring for my newborn. Sometimes, I even day dreaming about my future tank (calculate the cost, fishes, corals, ... ) but then wake up to find out that I don't have enough time or money to get back, LOL.
What should I do guys ? Should I see a doctor ?

Having my old 55 gal when my daughter was born was awesome. I would rock her next to it at night and she would fall right asleep. She loved growing up with it and I know it helped her development. Plus it made me look less crazy holding her and talking to my tank, everyone thought I was talking to her. If you still have everything you can go slow and cheep very easily. Trust me even with two kids my tank is the only real me time I get. I don’t have to do water changes weekly I choose to. Testing biweekly always a good distraction. Finding balance in my tank or even having to fix issues was a good mental break from life,work, kids, wife whatever. You need to convince your wife it’s healthy for you and you obviously can’t just quit, and you shouldn’t if you enjoy it so much. I always tell her I could pick up another habit/addiction/hobby if she wants.

samnaz · Jun 20, 2019

[QUOTE="Waynerock, post: 6190119, member: 104231”] Finding balance in my tank or even having to fix issues was a good mental break from life,work, kids, wife whatever. You need to convince your wife it’s healthy for you and you obviously can’t just quit, and you shouldn’t if you enjoy it so much.
[/QUOTE]

^^^this

I’ve never understood the need for one to quit doing something they enjoy, so long as it doesn’t get in the way of more important things.

Esage · Jun 20, 2019

tehmadreefer said:
Do what I did when my son was born. Put up a 180g 2 months later! Why ppl feel the need to sell or take down a tank just cos a child is born makes no sense.

I agree. I never even thought about taking down my tank after my daughter was born.

Biokabe · Jun 20, 2019

Simply put, don't.

Parents aren't slaves to their children. They're fully realized, independent adults with their own existing desires, interests and hobbies. If you're forced to give up everything you love for your child, it won't take long at all before you grow to resent your child. You might need to downsize, because your child is important and does deserve your time and support. But you should be able to find a balance where you can keep a tank while still caring for your child.

If your wife doesn't agree, then you and she need to have a frank and honest discussion about very fundamental matters. Your child and your marriage should come first, but that doesn't mean there can't be any room for each of you to enjoy your interests. And forgive the bluntness, but if your budget can't sustain a child and a modest hobby, then in my opinion you had no business having the child. Doesn't mean you should run off and buy a Red Sea 725XXL with a fully equipped Apex controller and a six-pack of Radions, but you should be able to at least carve out enough for a small 20-40 gallon tank.

ReeferReefer · Jun 20, 2019

Why not just do a new build?

A nano can be very affordable, especially with used equipment.

Something like a Fluval Spec V or IM Nuvo 10 would be pretty affordable if you can find them second hand in your area.

WMR · Jun 20, 2019

Set s small reef or fish tank up in your baby’s room, put a clown in it, that usually does the trick. Tell your wife it’s for the baby & can double as a nightlight, also, don’t forget “Nemo” LOL!!! That usually gets them.

harthag12 · Jun 20, 2019

I'll take the opposite route, you don't have the time or money as you say, just give it up. I broke mine down a few months after my first kid, two kids later 8 & 10 & I just started again. Those years fly by quick, those kids are cute, fun, sweet ect & the time is very very fleeting. Enjoy the kids, set back up when you have time, money, can get the kids interested, ect. Reef keeping isn't going anywhere, the time your kids are young does, quickly.

Coral4coral · Jun 20, 2019

You think the reason why Jason fox named an acro homewrecker because it's so expensive but so nice you have to buy it and when you do your wife leaves you

sbash · Jun 20, 2019

We throw the word 'addictive' around a lot here, but it is really just for fun. We really mean we have a hobby we love and have passion for.

If you really feel you are addicted, then you should seek help. There, I'm just putting that out there...

That said, I completely empathize with your situation. The first year of my first born was very complicated, we had to travel a lot for my wife's work, but I kept my 220 up and running, despite not keeping it balanced and losing livestock. However, due to the travelling around, I started networking and my love for collecting grew immensely. By the start of year two, I had built something amazing and was even running a small store out of my basement...

I'm in the first year of my second child now and history is repeating itself. My wife took another weird contract, so I have to travel around and aside from closing the 'store' down, with the instability I have lost (literally $$) thousands in livestock due to unexpected complications in our move. Most of my prized pieces are gone and I'm stuck starting over with a lot of species.

All that to say, I wouldn't trade in the enjoyment each baby had at looking at the tanks. The nights I was staying up with the seemingly unending crying, I was given respite with the blue lights and the instant 'awe' factor the babies had. Truly incredible.

The older one, now almost 3, still loves looking at the tank. I'm slowly teaching him the simple common names for the fish and corals. Lots of fun.

If this is a part of your life that you love, then don't put it aside. Like others have suggested, keep is simple. For the first size months of my second child's life, all I did was test the water (if needed), dose and feed. Max 20 minutes a day for the two systems I had to keep super stable. If you really don't have the time, stick to easy LPS and softies, both can be very rewarding!

Good luck!

WVNed · Jun 20, 2019

In stressful times I ran my tank as a FOWLR. You can get by with a lot less working on the tank but still have something to sit down and look at.

JPergamo · Jun 20, 2019

I did the opposite. Figured when my son was born 3 years ago I would need something at home to keep me from going nuts so I dove back into my 180. It is the perfect hobby for a new parent because you are always home, or at least much more than you were beforehand usually.

KirstenB · Jun 20, 2019

ZhiYung said:
Hi guys ! This sounds ridiculous but as the title stated, how can I stop thinking about this crazy addictive hobby ? I've been out of the hobby for 4 months since the moment my son was born, due to lack of maintaining time and money, I have to dry out my tank .
But from that moment, I have become sth like a reef's addict, everyday, every single day, I just can't stop finding post, threads about fish, coral,..etc and reading them all day long. My wife is getting annoyed because I spent time on those reefing's forums, reefing's vlogs on Youtube to much instead of caring for my newborn. Sometimes, I even day dreaming about my future tank (calculate the cost, fishes, corals, ... ) but then wake up to find out that I don't have enough time or money to get back, LOL.
What should I do guys ? Should I see a doctor ?

I'm the same way with this hobby lately. Reading countless posts and watching countless YouTube videos. You are not alone. You just have a passion.

Eve · Jun 20, 2019

Waynerock said:
Having my old 55 gal when my daughter was born was awesome. I would rock her next to it at night and she would fall right asleep. She loved growing up with it and I know it helped her development. Plus it made me look less crazy holding her and talking to my tank, everyone thought I was talking to her. If you still have everything you can go slow and cheep very easily. Trust me even with two kids my tank is the only real me time I get. I don’t have to do water changes weekly I choose to. Testing biweekly always a good distraction. Finding balance in my tank or even having to fix issues was a good mental break from life,work, kids, wife whatever. You need to convince your wife it’s healthy for you and you obviously can’t just quit, and you shouldn’t if you enjoy it so much. I always tell her I could pick up another habit/addiction/hobby if she wants.

Too adorable