I can’t keep anemones

At this point this is my guess too. What would you say is the minimum? I know at least one reefer keeping a BTA at 75 PAR but I understand the way it acclimated might be different. What confuses me is they move away from the light rather than trying to stretch for light like corals do
Think about this way. Where in the wild do nems live? Shallow waters in high park and moderate currents in the ocean. Your par is just way too low
 
Mine
 

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With low PAR I would try and place them toward the top part of the tank, and maybe spot feed them to substitute the low lighting
 
I feed mine silversides once sometimes twice a week and it's doubled in 3 wks
Well you shouldn’t and just wasting money on food. Nems get their energy or “food” from light and when you feed your fish, bits of that.
 
I can keep almost anything long term (we all have livestock deaths here and there) but I can’t keep anemones for longer than 2 weeks before they go downhill.

It always goes like this:
-I buy a colorful, healthy nem
-It starts losing color and suction at the foot
-It either hides under a rock to never emerge again or it starts gaping it’s mouth until it eventually dies
-I tried 3 in tank, 1 in a nem box. All wild but healthy. I’m not sure I want to try aquacultured ($$$) given my mortality rates

I put them under 100-150 PAR, which I’m told is on the lower end but multiple people I know keep them alive and healthy at those numbers.

Parameters
Ph 8.1-8.4
Alk 9.5-10 (very stable)
Calcium 450-550
Magnesium 1400-1500
Nitrate 5-12
Phosphate .02-.05 (very stable)

It seems to be bacterial and in the past it spread from a BTA to 3 RFAs that died showing similar symptoms. In the past 6 months, I moved (new sand bed), treated the tank with cipro and chemiclean (not while I had a nem).
200-225 PAR desired. Salinity 1.025 and moderate water flow. If you find them moving, there is too much flow. If you find them hiding, too much light.
If they climb, too little light, and/or water flow and they will also shrink
High Phos will make them miserable.
 
A suggestion:

I have a fairly new (6 months) tank. I want to include anemone(s), but during my research on them I discovered that many common anemones require pristine water conditions and others have a notoriously high mortality rate. Then I found these guys

FC219B53-2072-4580-8529-AC71261AF524.jpeg

Rock Flower anemones are fairly easy to care for. I have two and both are thriving. When I got them, I used this care guide from Top Shelf Aquatics as a reference Link.
I consider them my “training wheels” anemones.
 
What would you consider large? My nitrate will do as low as 5 and as high as 15 but typically it sits between 7-12
I would say a stable tank doesn’t fluctuate much at all when it comes to nitrates. I don’t do water changes on my larger tank and don’t add anything for nitrates/phosphates. My nitrates never go above 5. But I replaces a sponge from my filter not too long ago, nitrates spike to 20. Only reason I knew to test was because my anemones were deflated and ticked. Even 5-15 swing in a day is a lot. Weird how tanks stabilize themselves.

I have another tank that I inherited. Nitrates always test at 15-20. But it’s stable and doesn’t move. Things are great.
 
I think the key is stable conditions . I find BTA are fairly hardy. I’ve seen them do well in low nitrate and high nitrate. I’ve not par tested my nem tank but I would say it is at the lower end of what you need and they do fine . But every tank is different lighting flow . My anemones don’t like too much flow . I found at the beginning they didn’t like water changes but that has settled down now. Maturity of the tank . I’ve waited six months and put them in.And I’ve used 10 year old live rock in a new set up and with no problems to the nems at all . This only my opinion
 
No need to feed nems
That's a bad advice. Some nems don't need feeding - due to abandant nutrients AND strong light, some others do, otherwise they starve to death (slowly shrinking in size). There is no harm in trying to feed a nem - if it does not want to eat, it will be obvious.
 
A suggestion:

I have a fairly new (6 months) tank. I want to include anemone(s), but during my research on them I discovered that many common anemones require pristine water conditions and others have a notoriously high mortality rate. Then I found these guys

FC219B53-2072-4580-8529-AC71261AF524.jpeg

Rock Flower anemones are fairly easy to care for. I have two and both are thriving. When I got them, I used this care guide from Top Shelf Aquatics as a reference Link.
I consider them my “training wheels” anemones.
Starting to get interest in the rock flowers but my nanos are very small . I have a nano cycle going on at the moment so maybe a rock flower garden would be great
 
Well you shouldn’t and just wasting money on food. Nems get their energy or “food” from light and when you feed your fish, bits of that.
"Shouldn't" implies that it's not good to do so. The reality is that for the most part you don't have to feed anemones, but there occasions when you definitely should feed anemones.

Furthermore, most anemones will have a feeding response when offered food. Some people even use it as an indicator of health: if it's not eating it's not healthy.
 

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