Hah! Well, then, I confidently just bought the last D-1 in the LFS.
Said LFS is last of the old time big LFS's - like 1000 gallons of FW and SW loaded with everything you could possibly keep in a home aquarium (especially FW) - as well as plenty of things you probably shouldn't

- and loads of dry goods from every low-to-mid price vendor you could think of. Oddly enough, someone else was looking at the D-1 too, and was thinking of buying it - I'm sure the only Monday, in decades, in
any LFS in the whole world, where two people pondered buying a Vortex filter retail.
Oddly, I also remember Vortex's ads in my dad's 1980s TFHs. It looks like the packaging hasn't changed either. (the website at least is more modern - it looks like it was made in the 90s). Good times.

Anyway, looking forward to trying this.
Though, per the following article, I may get cellulose powder off of
amazon or somesuch and use that. DE itself kinda freaks me out; especially since there are no good places nearby me where i could load it without reasonable chance of people walking by. (it looks like I should wear a face mask when using it?)
What is a Diatom filter? It is a Micron filter that is mega-boosted by using Diatomaceous earth to further lower the Micron level at which particles removed from the media it's filtrating. You can ultimately achieve a 2 micron filtering...
www.fishlore.com
ETA: thinking of getting this. I think 9oz should last a while?:
Also:
DE pool filters use DE filter powder as the filter medium. But DE powder has a few downsides. Perlite and Cellulose fibers offer an alternative to DE powder.
blog.intheswim.com