LOL. Thanks, there's a lot of 2017 left. Let's hope I don't lose the title
Glad to help

in all seriousness though, I'm right there with you. I've tried every trick in the "proper reefing" book, and have had very little success. My first tank was where I had the most success, and I broke basically every rule in the book. Tap water, as good as no water changes, a HOB filter for flow, never vacuumed the gravel, never ran GFO or dosed carbon, no fuge, no sump, no chaeto, no nothing. I never had a speck of algae. I think the reason for this is the live rock was beautiful uncured nano rock from Live Aquaria. Either way, I had so much more success than my current tanks with maybe a hundredth of the effort.
I think I might be narrowing in on the problem though. The first issue is the rock. It's dry rock from a LFS who has been known to have lots of phosphates in the rock tanks. To add to those issues, the rock was dry before I put it in my tank, and it sat outdoors for a number of months, absorbing who knows what from the surrounding environment. The second issue is the source water. I moved between my first and second tanks, so it's possible my source water now is much worse than the tap water I used for my first tank. Additionally, when I started the tank, I knew nothing about DI resin and I re-used the old stuff from my last tank, which had sat and dried out for years. So it was basically useless, and I could have potentially been putting relatively filthy DI water into my tank.
If I had to offer one recommendation, it's focus on your source water. Learn a bit about your RO/DI filter and learn when the filters need to be replaced. Run at least dual DI canisters, and consider a multi-stage single bed setup to purify the water more completely. Get a sensitive TDS meter (like the HM-COM 100) to really monitor how pure your RO/DI water is, and be very aggressive about changing DI resin when the quality slips. Enough water changes with sufficiently pure water should right the ship (or at least I'm hoping... I'll report back on my progress haha).
Best of luck!