Hey guys, honestly reading all of these requests, I feel pretty petty for posting this. So recently, well past two days, I've been having memories I've been keeping out for years coming back, it's been putting me back where I was back then. Just no hope, again, it just makes me feel like again, this world and God does not have a future for me. It's all jumbled, unable to be seen clearly, well who I am kidding, that's putting it at it's best, I can't see anything. Again I'm back where I was, no progress, no hope. It's just cold, honestly remembering hearing that my friend had shot himself, and then, that same exact afternoon my uncle shoots himself at work. It was raining, those days were dark, and cold, literally and emotionally. Those were not the times where I struggled with depression the most, it also feels like I'm there in a few of those moments. Vividly I can remember those nights, I can stare exactly at the places around my house where they happened, even though I have moved furnishings. In the corner of my bed room, sat at my desk, attempting to play some doom to calm my nerves but ending to resort to taking a gutting knife to my throat, submerging myself in a bath. I can just remember those so vividly now, years after. Then at the hospital, man the hospital. I am glad I went there but during the experience it was horrible, necessary but hard being away from my family. I don't know why but I'm remembering these things, it's just again an empty and lonely feeling.
