I know you are trying to be better informed, that is why this forum exists and why subject matter experts like myself take the time to help others.
As I mentioned, a water softener is the absolute best thing you can do for an RO membrane. In fact all membrane manufacturers recommend soft water, their test reports are all done using softened water, and most of not all will not honor a warranty claim if softened water was not used. This is at the manufacturers level, individual vendors may have different warranties or guarantees but all will recommend a softener.
You say you use quality products, exactly what are you using for sediment and carbon filters (micron ranges and absolute, near absolute or nominal rated?) and how often to you monitor their effectiveness using things like an inline pressure gauge and a low range chlorine test kit and how often do you change them and disinfect your RO/DI system? Once the carbon is fouled with particulates or colloidal materials it allows chlorine to eat the membrane and they fail. Why are you changing the membrane, is the RO only TDS going up (poor rejection rate), or is the GPD going down (fouled or plugged membrane) or both? Just because the OUT probe on an inline TDS meter starts going up doesn't necessarily mean the RO membrane is bad, it could be the DI resin blend, the way it was packed, whethere it is mounted vertically or horizontally or how fresh it is. DI has a very short shelf life if not vacuum sealed in mylar foil bags and stored in the refrigerator or if has been opened and only partially used like with bulk resins and not resealed with a vacuum sealer and stuck in the fridge.
Another extremely important factor is the waste ratio. Have you measured your actual waste ratio to ensure it is at close to 4:1 waste to good? With 350-380 unsoftened tap water it should be at least 3.5:1 to 4:1. What about your water pressure and water temperature? Colder water actually treats better than warmer water and the 77 degrees you see all the time in reports is just a number picked out of thin air to compare one membrane against another, it is by no means the optimal temperature. Your DI will last longer with colder water.