Unheeded advice - what do you do?

ronnie · Dec 9, 2013

Reefers are a different breed typically. We tend to follow our guts more than most. Even when conventional wisdom says not to, we still try to eek by and tend to pat ourselves on the back when we succeed. And when we fail, a lot of times we won't really acknowledge it - human nature kicks in. We may even have a band of reefers shouting at the top of their lungs (because it's what we do - passion is almost always a common ground) to not add that fish/coral/piece of equipment.

Most times this passion seems over zealous to the "guilty party". They think, "I read a lot, I think it'll work, right?" Maybe. Maybe not. To each their own, right? The rules don't always catch up to everyone, but I think there is a correlation to breaking these rules and such a high rate of turnover. And what happens to the reefers that continue on, in defiance of what they should know isn't a high success scenario? Well, they end up on an island. The seasoned reefers see them for what they are and realize that no matter what kind of yelling, screaming, or kicking they do, they won't get through to them. So they stop helping. Completely. It's a shame, because the seasoned reefers have probably "been there, done that" and found a way out. That's the double edged sword, though, isn't it? The seasoned reefer can help guide the guilty party through the issues, but the advice wouldn't be heeded anyways.

What do you guys do to help when help isn't really taken or advice is constantly disregarded?

Tradewinds · Dec 9, 2013

Many reefers like to tinker, it is one of the many enjoyable aspects of this great hobby of ours. At times, one reefer's trial and error becomes the next exciting development in the hobby.

In the end, if sound advice isn't heeded it's best to move along, find someone who is looking for help and appreciates the knowledge you are willing to share with them.

Slideways48 · Dec 10, 2013

I'm trying to learn as much as I can before finally setting my tank up, I'm on here almost every day, several times a day...but on at school, I try to give as much advice as I can, being as I have been in the shop the longest, next to a teacher..but if they dont listen, oh well, have fun with that lol...but sometimes they find an easier and better way to do things, and I'll lean from them

NanaReefer · Dec 10, 2013

I let them be, period. Humility is teachability. Some have it and some don't

Personally I've chosen to stay humble and it is due to this reason only that for the last 4yrs (almost five) that I have had NO crashes, no major losses and have wasted NO $$$ on equipment nor livestock. I still consider myself a newbie, for I've surrounded myself with those who have successfully been at it a lot longer them me

I've had much success this way and I thank them often.

ronnie · Dec 10, 2013

Thanks guys. It's frustrating to put a lot of time and effort into helping, only to see that help disregarded. I suppose we will just focus our efforts on those who want help - they're the ones that'll be in the hobby long term anyways.

Bow · Dec 10, 2013

If I know an answer to something I'll state it. If I'm not sure "I think", guessing is just guessing and throwing out options and ideas that maybe someone can expand on. Ignored face to face advice tends to make you want to not give anymore wen the person comes back with a bigger issue then when they started. But remember on this and other forums there are plenty of people that do use the search option and find their answers without ever really asking the questions themselves. Just try to picture all the help you have given that you didn't even know about.

Tradewinds · Dec 10, 2013

Bow said:
...Just try to picture all the help you have given that you didn't even know about.

+1 Excellent point

eliramos · Dec 10, 2013

you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink...

or in this case....
you can lead a mandarin to mysis but you cant make it eat

revhtree · Dec 10, 2013

You give and do your best. What others do with the knowledge is up to them and there is nothing you can do. Some people have to learn the hard way! I've been guilty!

TJ's Reef · Dec 10, 2013

Tradewinds said:
Many reefers like to tinker, it is one of the many enjoyable aspects of this great hobby of ours. At times, one reefer's trial and error becomes the next exciting development in the hobby.

In the end, if sound advice isn't heeded it's best to move along, find someone who is looking for help and appreciates the knowledge you are willing to share with them.

+1 here, though its hard to not take it personally sometimes when one completely disregards common sense or experience shared. Part of my passion comes from decades of being in this hobby and witness to so many catastrophes of the past often repeated, that should be avoidable today with all the information at hand and experienced Old Salts willing to share. As stated some really prefer not to be helped and just in need of a "Ah man, so sorry Dude....that sucks..." and what not. I love to teach and share knowledge that I've gained first hand or from more knowledgeable individuals and will continue to do so to those willing to listen. For others, try and just let it go hoping they will eventually see the light or move on before they do to much more damage to the livestock in their care. It is a nice thought brought up above in that there is surely a large number of people who gain knowledge by researching the database on this and other sites to succeed on their own.

Cheers, Todd

Reeflogic · Dec 10, 2013

I've been around fish my entire life, going on 4 decades of on and off reef keeping. The basics of keeping certain parameters have remained the same, but technology and the introduction to new species of corals / fish, etc. are always changing and the few times I've stepped away from the hobby and returned was like starting over, due to these advanced technologies and new species. So I consider myself a newbie, even after 35+ years of having salt water tanks and never consider myself "above" or more experienced than even the first day reefer. If one can read, one can learn. There is so much information out there, you just have to trust the source. But in my opinion, no question is a dumb question, just a lazy question

I agree that there are people who want to learn and do heed advice or warnings, but there are just as many, if not more, who will completely ignore perfectly given advice. What are ya gonna do...

TarHeelReefer22 · Dec 10, 2013

Advice given or not it all comes down to personal experiences. If a reefer doesn't experience something about the hobby first hand all it is then is passed on knowledge. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. With out hobbyists taking chances on things we would never have any inivation in the hobby. Think about the first guy who put leds above his tank people probably laughed him off a forum and now leds are on the forefront of lighting.