Women in Reefing

[Snuggs]

Sassy and salty since the late 80s. Started with fish only And took a break for a few years while raising 5 kids. Started up again 4 years ago. I find that the Lfs who are less knowledgeable about the hobby appear to talk down to me. While the best stores can see I know my stuff. I am five feet tall. Middle aged. And I haul my own buckets!

 

[InkedReefLady]

A thread like this makes me happy and makes me sad.
Happy to see that there is some female reefers and sad that they need a specific community.
What are we male reefers doing wrong?
In a perfect world man and women would join the same forums and we would discuss our hobby not concerning if it is a man or women thats writing the questions and answers. And noone would be trashed for doing wrong - just helped.

From my time in the hobby ('93) I have noticed that typically men do talk down to us. Someone else in this thread mentioned how when repair/maintenance/etc. people come to her home, they automatically think the tank is her husbands. I have noticed the same thing when my husband and I go to LFS. They gravitate to my husband and I am left standing on the sidelines...when I am the one that knows all of the tanks params, did the last set of maintenance, knows all of the corals by their scientific names, etc. My husband knows from me doing the work in front of him and keeping him in the loop. He knows the tank, but I am the one more in tune with it. And that's okay.

I also notice this at expos (or back in the old days when they were actual swaps) vendors want to talk to my husband instead of me. I get the token "hello" but they want to have an actual discussion with him. Meanwhile, I have all the cash and know exactly what I want when I pursue their set up. And, I am sorry to say, but I can typically tell before I even walk up to the vendor how they are going to treat me (eye contact, smile, etc.).

I know it's harder here on the 'web', but my suggestion to men when you come in contact with a woman, do the same as you would with a man. Make eye contact, smile, be engaging, and helpful. Don't talk to us as if we are children. And as always, the nicer you are to me and treat me with respect, the more $$ I am going to drop on you.

PS: If you're REALLY nice and respectful and buy that lady reefer a beer or cocktail during/after that interaction, the more likely you are to find a girlfriend or wife in the hobby. That's how my husband got me! LOL!

 

[sfin52]

@Katrina71
@Dolelo96 @Erin O

 

[Appaloosa1224]

I've been in the hobby since I was 15 (32 now) and still have my first clownfish. I've just been obsessed with all animals since an early age, and when I accidentally brought home a hermit crab from the beach, I started my first tank to save him with the help of some amazing stores in my hometown. Since then I've worked several years at the same LFS that helped me save my crab, and after a break and buying a house, I'm back in full force. Hoping to purchase my first large tank this year, even though I adore my nano tanks. Currently doing some sidework as the photographer for my LFS and running their website and social media. I'm a full time self employed jeweler as a real job, but I really enjoy having the ability to barter my photo skills for corals!

I've actually not seen much discrimination at stores in the this hobby. One store is on my never-gonna-spend-a-cent-with-them list (WWC) after several trips and just plain rude service. I can only assume its because I'm a woman. Online, especially on this forum, I do see plenty of misogyny and sexism. I think men come on here and think its totally fine to talk like that because they assume everyone here is male. It would be nice to see the moderators take more of a stance on it.

 

[metrokat]

Hi! I love it! I have been in love with the ocean since I was a kid. I always wanted a saltwater tank! Started many years ago with a 29 gallon, than a 80 gallon, now my 200 gallon! My husband has been great, however he can't help but notice the price of everything going up over the years lol..... but overall he has been really supportive. He loves the ocean too. 18 years ago when I called my dad to tell him he asked me to marry him, the first thing my dad asked was, "does he love the ocean as much as you do?" LOL!

Nice to meet you!! Dad knew what made you happy.

 

[metrokat]

Lady reefer. New to the hobby 10 months now

This setup is great! Are you culturing phyto or pods or both? I see the brine hatchery too.

 

[metrokat]

Hi! I met Kat at Reefapalooza CA last year and since I’ve met and connected with sooo many wonderful women on Instagram! I’m a manager at a LFS (Age of Aquariums in Signal Hill, CA) and I have a bachelors in Marine Biology. I do consider myself an expert in marine fish disease identification and treatment as well as freshwater aquatic plants.
I remember an old reefbuilders article speculating the reasons why there are so few women in the hobby and a major reason was that women in general have a more sensitive sense of smell! So... empty those skimmer cups and keep on reefing!
Find me on Instagram Instagram.com/age_of_aquariums

I'd love to read that reef builders article if you have the link - that's pretty interesting.

 

[CindyKz]

I've only been in the hobby since 2016 so I don't have the long view that some of the other ladies do.

There are some amazing guys in my local club that have welcomed me since day one (and even warned me that "you might be the only woman" at a given club function LOL). I call on them in a heartbeat when I have an issue. Although I have experienced dismissive behavior from vendors, etc, I have seen more misogyny on this forum than anywhere else. I've learned to avoid any "is your significant other supportive of your hobby" thread because it invariably contains female-bashing remarks.

I've participated in a couple of women reefer's FB groups and look forward to checking out this one, thank you @metrokat for posting.

We recently remodeled our basement and included this - it has only been running since August, 2019 so it isn't very mature. It's an upgrade from a 75 gal mixed reef. I also have a 32 AIO softie tank.

 

[Leslie Tabor]

Sadly, I always thought keeping an aquarium is kind of like keeping pet snakes or pet tarantulas and such - they’re great hobbies for guys who’ve never kissed a woman before.

My husband thinks the exact opposite. He sees me with my tank and can't imagine why men would do this hobby. He is totally baffled that it is male dominant. Haha

 

[Leslie Tabor]

A thread like this makes me happy and makes me sad.
Happy to see that there is some female reefers and sad that they need a specific community.
What are we male reefers doing wrong?
In a perfect world man and women would join the same forums and we would discuss our hobby not concerning if it is a man or women thats writing the questions and answers. And noone would be trashed for doing wrong - just helped.

I feel like R2R is very much like this. I never know/care if I am talking to a man or woman. I just love being here. I think it is also cool to see I am not the only woman though! I love all of this!

 

[CindyKz]

My husband thinks the exact opposite. He sees me with my tank and can't imagine why men would do this hobby. He is totally baffled that it is male dominant. Haha

Mine too. He supports my endeavors and enjoys the fish but that's about it.

 

[MurphyJ]

I've been in the hobby since I was 15 (32 now) and still have my first clownfish. I've just been obsessed with all animals since an early age, and when I accidentally brought home a hermit crab from the beach, I started my first tank to save him with the help of some amazing stores in my hometown. Since then I've worked several years at the same LFS that helped me save my crab, and after a break and buying a house, I'm back in full force. Hoping to purchase my first large tank this year, even though I adore my nano tanks. Currently doing some sidework as the photographer for my LFS and running their website and social media. I'm a full time self employed jeweler as a real job, but I really enjoy having the ability to barter my photo skills for corals!

I've actually not seen much discrimination at stores in the this hobby. One store is on my never-gonna-spend-a-cent-with-them list (WWC) after several trips and just plain rude service. I can only assume its because I'm a woman. Online, especially on this forum, I do see plenty of misogyny and sexism. I think men come on here and think its totally fine to talk like that because they assume everyone here is male. It would be nice to see the moderators take more of a stance on it.

I had the same experience with them at a frag swap. Very disappointed as the reason I went to the swap was to check them out. Most of the LFS know me so I don’t see discrimination from them. Male reefers are funny they will talk to you and ask advice until another guy comes up. Then it is like you never existed. I think one of the problems is that women are not afraid to ask a question (like getting directions when lost). I have been reefing since the nineties but still asking questions.

 

[Leslie Tabor]

This is my baby, started as a 120 gal that has grown into this 380 gal beast in 4 or 5 years I can't remember right now!

Pretty exclusively soft corals and anemones. No dosing that way! Just weekly water changes and a fairly obsessive personality!

 

[Leslie Tabor]

;Hilarious

Mine too. He supports my endeavors and enjoys the fish but that's about it.

My husband is a financial business manager sooo he just sees tiny $$$$$ floating around my giant glass box! He is a patient, good man though! I am a vet tech so we have this tank, 3 dogs, a cat, and currently 2 foster kittens! I have issues! Haha

 

[Dacotahk]

I’ve always had a love for all animals. As a kid in the later 1950’s and through the 1960’s I kept everything from goldfish, turtles, dogs, cats, mice...anything I could manage to get into the house. Freshwater tanks and fish costs were within a range that my allowance would cover.
Saltwater was not an option where we live in the middle of the the Great Plains until recent years. It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I got into reefing with a 29 gallon BioCube and 2 years ago upgraded to a Red Sea peninsula 650. My daughter started with a 75 about 15+ years ago and now keeps a 480 gallon in her office. Neither of us had the remotest idea that this was a male dominated hobby until a visit to a LFS in another town and being asked what man helped us with our tanks. It is nice to see other women in the hobby.
Our winters can run from sometime in October through most of April and reefing is really an engaging indoor hobby When it’s -20. Our town has no LFS and the closest one is 3 to 5 hours away. There is no club of any sort ( just the two of us so you could say we’re female dominated!) All of the livestock and equipment we have must be ordered, mostly from online suppliers. Being able to see your choices of online livestock vendors in particular is very helpful.
I am thankful to all of you—both men and women—at REEF2REEF for the input and exchange of valuable information has helped us greatly. Without such we would not be doing nearly as well. This is a challenging endeavor for sure and at 67 years old, I like being pressed a bit to do something well and learn something new.
Thanks again to everyone who takes the time to help all the rest of us!

 

[Cyndi & Jim]

Seven tanks! How big are they?

I’m a guy who’s starting out and one will already be a handful for me haha. Good job!

Now, if only I could find a female reefer who’s preferably more experienced than me lol. And we hit it off.

Range from 1gal to 80gal

 

[Zionas]

Nice to see so many women that are in the hobby. I hope more and more gals join with time. OTOH in my part of the world the hobby is very new overall.

 

[champyeti]

Also a lady whose boyfriend side eyes how much money goes into my tank. He likes looking at them but he just doesn't have the heart for it that I do. He will buy me a fish or coral every so often to be nice but he also thinks I spend way too much on my corals... if only he knew my torches prices!

 

[Leslie Tabor]

I’ve always had a love for all animals. As a kid in the later 1950’s and through the 1960’s I kept everything from goldfish, turtles, dogs, cats, mice...anything I could manage to get into the house. Freshwater tanks and fish costs were within a range that my allowance would cover.
Saltwater was not an option where we live in the middle of the the Great Plains until recent years. It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I got into reefing with a 29 gallon BioCube and 2 years ago upgraded to a Red Sea peninsula 650. My daughter started with a 75 about 15+ years ago and now keeps a 480 gallon in her office. Neither of us had the remotest idea that this was a male dominated hobby until a visit to a LFS in another town and being asked what man helped us with our tanks. It is nice to see other women in the hobby.
Our winters can run from sometime in October through most of April and reefing is really an engaging indoor hobby When it’s -20. Our town has no LFS and the closest one is 3 to 5 hours away. There is no club of any sort ( just the two of us so you could say we’re female dominated!) All of the livestock and equipment we have must be ordered, mostly from online suppliers. Being able to see your choices of online livestock vendors in particular is very helpful.
I am thankful to all of you—both men and women—at REEF2REEF for the input and exchange of valuable information has helped us greatly. Without such we would not be doing nearly as well. This is a challenging endeavor for sure and at 67 years old, I like being pressed a bit to do something well and learn something new.
Thanks again to everyone who takes the time to help all the rest of us!

Oh my gosh! This is my life! Where are you located? I am in South eastern Minnesota so I am VERY familiar with your struggles!

 

[Zionas]

I’m getting a single tank that’s 165 gal, already a handful for me ahahaha.