How does purchasing tank related items work in relation to your better half?

revsgirl · Apr 5, 2012

Well.. I'll answer for David. He's always receiving stuff I don't know about. :neutral: But then, I never look at bills or income, so it doesn't bother me, I'm glad he enjoys it so much. But if he tells me we don't have the money to purchase something I want, and all the sudden there's a package in the mail for him... watch out! :beated:

Aquaph8 · Apr 5, 2012

We dont really get into it too much. She doesn't like me to buy anything and I let her have anything she wants. I just buy what I want (with in reason of course) and she does too. I still get the "why did you buy another fish" speach a lot of times but I have selective hearing after 7 years.

Aquaph8 · Apr 5, 2012

Mike&Terry said:
I can't hide anything from Mike - or at least not for very long, LOL. He notices every frag or coral no matter how hard I try to camouflage. It did take him 3 days to notice the Rhomboid fairy's in our QT, but that was because he was swamped at work and I turned the QT lights off before he got home, LOL

His response is usually: "I thought WE agreed you weren't going to buy any more _______ ?!?" :amazed: (insert fish or corals...)

The funniest response I got was when he came home to find an empty SRO skimmer box in our entrance way. He found me in the garage putting together our SRO 6000sss. He actually shook his head and laughed. He also changed clothes and helped me finish putting it together. I keep telling him at least I'm not addicted to shoes... :angel:

-Terry

Terry, If my wife was like you, we would be in major debt cause Im the same way.:snicker: Its really cool that you both love the hobby.

Scoly · Apr 5, 2012

Is that why I'm single?

Mike&Terry · Apr 5, 2012

Aquaph8 said:
Terry, If my wife was like you, we would be in major debt cause Im the same way.:snicker: Its really cool that you both love the hobby.

It is good that Mike is more frugal or we would be in trouble... We've been together a long time and are best friends, so I really do know my limits and don't push them too often. I have tried to surprise him with coral/frags for special occasions though and it never fails that he spots them no matter how hard I try to hide them. Me, I probably wouldn't notice, unless it was a fish. :bigsmile:

Aquaph8 · Apr 5, 2012

Yeah my wife is also the frugal one, it's funny how we match up. I guess opposites do attract.

Degener8 · Apr 5, 2012

My wife just likes to be informed.. Once the bills and kids needs are taken care of I can save the extras and get the things I need. I have recently learned to be more patient and do a better job of budgeting and saving for what i need. We both get our play money and we are happy. Now that being said. My wife is in the military and currently away on training (not deployed til november) I have made more progress on tanks and planning in the last 2 weeks than the previous 6 months...I don't get a crossed look when I need something since she is in colorado.. and everything is still paid up so all good.. and I still tell her about each step and purchase.

Ladybug5234 · Apr 6, 2012

It's not that my husband gives me a hard time per se. It's that I rather avoid the "you're nuts!" comments when I tell him what I got stuff for.

Zeither18 · Apr 6, 2012

I usually get my wife exited that I let her pick out a small fish or whatever and then she is up for anything. And it helps that I talked her into a 200 dollar limit for the monthly budget. Although when I bought the 220 gal and everything to start I had to give up one of my cars to deal with her. Let's just say the 96 Nissan beater car left to keep my part of the deal. Lol

dohc97 · Apr 6, 2012

Girl gets mad at anything over $30-40 so nothing in my tank cost more than that ;p also have a secret reef budget that gets replenished once a week on pay day. She doesnt care much as long as the bills are paid, it goes both ways I dont question her about all her shopping.

steamer51 · Apr 6, 2012

I think the real question here is how is the relationship with your spouse, both ways, concerning money in general. Both of us are very frugal since we are a one income family. Being old fashioned I prefer that she does not work although I do not demand it. She has honored my request and tolerates not having as much money as we could. She works harder than I do with volunteering, kids, grandkids and keeping the homefires burning and I respect her efforts. Neither of us has to ask permission to spend money and it works since neither of us will spend anything on ourselves that is better spent on the family. Large purchases are discussed to make sure they can fit into the budget and we come to a mutual decision. That decision is usually the one that wants to spend the money on an extravagence being talked into spending the money on themselves by the other.

Sometimes things don't go well even though we have been married for almost 35 years. Money is tight right now and before it got tight my wife had planned to get her hair done before a trip she is making next week with her mother and one of her sisters. She told me yesterday she was not going to due to the cost. I knew how important is was to her and the sacrifice she was making so I put my foot down as the religious head of the family and ordered her to have her hair done so she did not represent me on the trip looking like a "poor relation". I never do that but it was the only way I could convince her to spend the money. One time I saw a tank, stand and hood posted on our club forum that was $2000 new, $400 used with no faults. I immediately told the guy I would take it before someone else grabbed it up. I did not discuss it with her and when I told her what I had done she said "not one more penny for the tanks". She was right and I was wrong so I didn't buy anything for a long time.

Tony F · Apr 6, 2012

The LOML likes my reef (and my fw tanks) as much as I do so it's not an issue. We always pick inhabitants together. The kids are grown and on their own, we don't drink or smoke or anything like that, we don't travel much so this is what we enjoy. She raises finches, and putters with her garden and plants. I'm building an aviary for her. I got my fish tanks, my workshop, and my boat for fishing. She likes to fish also. When all is said and done, LIFE IS GOOD!

Sent from my Droid using Tapatalk

andywe · Apr 6, 2012

I am a very very lucky man. I introduced my wife to the hobby 4 years ago and she is addicted..SHe is a zoo queen and loves to propagate. If we need something for a tank, we get it. Very expensive items we budget and plan for, but since she is into it as much as I am we have a tendency to police each other..LOL. If I tell my wife I want to spend 300 bucks on some chalices, as long as we have the money..it's a go...same with her....I am LUCKY!

ca2or · Apr 6, 2012

Great so long as she doesn't know

Legion Aire · Apr 6, 2012

I voted as long as there was food on the table. But in all honesty it is also a lot of don’t ask, don’t tell. We both work so I don't ask how she spends her money and she refrains from discussing mine, LOL. I don’t ask how much she spent on her new purse, nor would I want to know, and don’t get me started on the shoes, to which she doesn't mention anything when something new shows up at the house.

Tabasco1 · Apr 6, 2012

"How could you spend THAT much on THAT little thing!"

I am a combo of don't ask don't tell and staying within a set monthly budget. I don't really have to get things approved if I don't spend more than the budget. But there is definately a bit of DADT. For instance he only thinks I am in one group buy.

I figure I'll just tell him all the corals were from the same one, just shipped at different times.

Mike171 · Apr 11, 2012

I'm new to the hobby but so far it's been a don't ask don't tell, if she were to ask I'd tell her straight up. but i don't think she wants to know. but she's used to it by know my hobbies consist or my car, guns, tattoos, and now my tank. as she said the other day "atleast you know where the money is going and have something to show for it, and not out blowing it on booze (not much anyway), ciggerettes, and gambling" She's pretty cool but I don't spend more then I can get a way with we have 3 kids one being a month old... she knows i have my priorites right.... 99% of the time anyway.