As you can guess since I'm posting here, i decided to fix my mistakes, restock, and try to get the tank running smoothly.
First off, i let me tank sit fishless for 6 weeks to allow whatever parasite/illness killed my fish to goes through it's life cycle and die. Second, I took out each rock and painstakingly scrub off the hair with a toothbrush. After study and inner reflection i determined what had gone wrong:
1) i was lazy and didn't do enough water changes, thinking back i figure only about 2 changes in the 6 months
2) i was using tap water with declorinator for top offs
3) i didn't test my water after the first month so i had no idea what the levels were
4) i didn't use a quarantine tank which wouldn't have stop the algae, but could have help prevent the fish deaths
5) maybe not a cause, but i also didn't utilize any chemical media and had old bulbs
Big Change #1
So first thing I set up a water change station in my garage. This way i could make way and use a pump to do changes and not have the biggest deterant of lifting buckets. i also bought a bulk reef 75gpd RODI. (the one picture was borrowed from a friend till my arrived) This picture is from July 2013. already had to change the color-changing DI resin
Big Change #2
I started doing 20 gal water changes, cleaning the sock and skimmer, vacuuming the sand, blowing rocks, cleaning the sump, and other general housekeeping every 2 weeks. I attach a siphon to a garden hose to drain down the driveway and to the sewer and I connected up a Mag 7 with an attachment to the same hose to pump from my mixing barrel into the tank.
Big Change #3
I setup a quarantine tank. 20L with hang on the back filter,light and heater. this picture is from Aug 2013. All my current livestock has spent min 3 weeks in it. My royal gramma and firefish had ich and were copper treated in it and are doing great in the DT now. I won't lie, it takes a bit of work to have the quarantine. More water changes and cleaning, more top off, another tank to feed, more water to test, and more equipment (though not terribly expensive). I drain the water out the window to the sewer and refill using the same pump as the DT. In my opinion its well worth it.
Other Changes #4
I bought a media reactor and run a mix of GFO and carbon changing it out about once a month. I put a bag of purigen in the sock (which ive revived once). I also bought 4 new ATI bulbs (2 blue plus, coral plus, aquablue special) for my fixture since it seem like the bulb were original. The picture below is bluer than reality.
So fast forward to now... i have 6 fish and cleaner shrimp (the survivors made it back!) in the DT and have just added a RBTA. I have a flame angel and yellow tang in quarantine doing great so far. These pictures show the tank as it is right now.
I wouldn't say things are perfect, but things are going much better. I still have just a touch of nuisance algae and for some reason can't keep xenia alive, but all fish are doing well and other coral (frogspawn, candy cane, yellow polyps, even montipora) are doing good too. Well that's my story thus far. In short, use RODI, setup a quarantine, and don't avoid water changes! if anyone has questions ill be more than happy to help the best i can. Brian