The Miracle Tank

vetteguy53081 · Oct 5, 2022

Three good ol’ boys are on Death Row. They discuss how to distract the firing squad so they can escape, and come up with a plan. When the first one’s in front of the firing squad he yells “Tornado!” and the firing squad drop their rifles, run for cover and he escapes. The second man comes in front of the firing squad and at the last moment he yells “Earthquake!” and the firing squad drop their rifles, run for cover and he escapes. The third man, who’s not the brightest candle on the cake, then comes in front of the firing squad and at the last moment yells “Fire!”

vetteguy53081 · Oct 7, 2022

vetteguy53081 · Oct 7, 2022

What do you do if you are addicted to sea weed?
Sea kelp.

vetteguy53081 · Oct 8, 2022

vetteguy53081 · Oct 10, 2022

“I’ve got to get rid of our new chauffeur,” Arthur complained to his wife,
Mirabelle. “His driving is terrible. He almost killed me three times!”
“Oh,” pleaded Mirabelle, “just give him one more chance.”

vetteguy53081 · Oct 11, 2022

Joe and Jenny drove for miles in silence in their new vehicle after a terrible argument in which neither would budge. After many miles had passed, a frustrated Joe pointed to a mule in a nearby pasture.
“A relative of yours?” he asked Jenny.
“Yes,” she replied. “By marriage.”

vetteguy53081 · Oct 17, 2022

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vetteguy53081 · Oct 24, 2022

A doctor left his stethoscope on the car seat, and on the way to preschool his little girl picked it up and began playing with it. “Wonderful!” thought the doctor. “My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

vetteguy53081 · Oct 26, 2022

vetteguy53081 · Oct 27, 2022

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”

vetteguy53081 · Oct 27, 2022

Last night was awful! I accidentally took my cat’s meds. Don’t ask meow!

vetteguy53081 · Oct 29, 2022

A young Montana cowboy was walking a pretty girl home from the Saturday night barn dance. He was falling in love, and it was a beautiful, romantic evening. “Edna, I bet you’ve been out with a lot of worse-looking fellows than me,” he said, bashfully. Edna didn’t answer. He tried again. “I said I bet you’ve been out with a lot of uglier fellows than me.”

“Would you keep quiet,” Edna said. “I’m trying to think!”