Urgh seriously.

Fin · May 11, 2020

Hey Sarah. I hope you are doing better. You have got to write a book someday about the last couple of years. I keep hoping that things will start looking up for you. You are way overdue for some good fortune! Please keep us up to date on your progress.

Fin · May 23, 2020

Hey Sarah, Just checking in on you. I hope you are doing ok. Please let us know how you are doing. It has been several weeks since you last posted and I am sure everyone is concerned.

Lasse · May 24, 2020

Fin said:
Hey Sarah, Just checking in on you. I hope you are doing ok. Please let us know how you are doing. It has been several weeks since you last posted and I am sure everyone is concerned.

Me too

Sincerely Lasse

Brew12 · May 24, 2020

Lasse said:
Me too

Sincerely Lasse

I'm not. ;Wideyed

Ok, maybe I am.

vetteguy53081 · May 24, 2020

We all do. Just want to assure all is well !

Sarah24! · May 29, 2020

Hello,

I have been quiet, I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to explain or talk. I promise that I’ll never leave, I adore everyone here. With my friends on here I will talk a little more. But in real life, I am terrified of people. I have to work on my tank, thankfully fish are good. Most of my corals have died and it’s heart breaking. (Not the treason I’m quiet but still hurts). I will try and check in so my friends know I’m safe. (And no I didn’t get into trouble). I am trying to be safe.

vetteguy53081 · May 29, 2020

Sarah24! said:
Hello,

I have been quiet, I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to explain or talk. I promise that I’ll never leave, I adore everyone here. With my friends on here I will talk a little more. But in real life, I am terrified of people. I have to work on my tank, thankfully fish are good. Most of my corals have died and it’s heart breaking. (Not the treason I’m quiet but still hurts). I will try and check in so my friends know I’m safe. (And no I didn’t get into trouble). I am trying to be safe.

Great to hear you’re ok despite life’s’ challenges. You’ve proven that you’re a strong person and continue to let that strength be your motivation!!

Lasse · May 29, 2020

Sarah24! said:
Hello,

I have been quiet, I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to explain or talk. I promise that I’ll never leave, I adore everyone here. With my friends on here I will talk a little more. But in real life, I am terrified of people. I have to work on my tank, thankfully fish are good. Most of my corals have died and it’s heart breaking. (Not the treason I’m quiet but still hurts). I will try and check in so my friends know I’m safe. (And no I didn’t get into trouble). I am trying to be safe.

Best post for weeks!!!!! - @Sarah24! we only need a short - "hey folks - I´m alive" now and then.

Stay safe.

Sincerely Lasse

NY_Caveman · May 29, 2020

Lasse said:
Best post for weeks!!!!! - @Sarah24! we only need a short - "hey folks - I´m alive" now and then.

Stay safe.

Sincerely Lasse

We all need to shout out “I’m Alive!” sometimes. Feels amazing.

Lasse · May 29, 2020

NY_Caveman said:
We all need to shout out “I’m Alive!” sometimes. Feels amazing.

I promise to do that - as long as possible.........

excuse my dark humor - but it is innate.......

Sincerely Lasse

Lowell Lemon · May 29, 2020

Sorry to hear about your coral losses! Glad to hear you are okay. Worried about you since the last picture you were down with virus.
Wish you all the best for today!

Sarah24! · Jun 14, 2020

Hello,

I’m sorry friends since November I have been stuck in the 5th rink of hell. I have tried to take some time to just find me. I’ve been looking all over and she’s not around. I’m trying to make a goal of posting at least once a day. To make a long story short and less painful, I have to basically start over on my tank. My fish thankfully are okay and well. Corals, well I lost about 80% of them. So I’m just working on stabilizing it again. Maybe after a
Month if I see others doing well, then I will add more to it. I did get rid of the gha, no idea how to be honest. I changed photo period from 12 hours to 8 hours and my tank sits next to my back door. It would get some morning sunlight. So I put a towel up to black it out. I wanted to paint the tank glass, but was afraid of fumes.

I realized that I really don’t have friends that do things with me. I always put school and work first. It was nice to have my friends here. I’m also sorry that I haven’t been a very good friend. I will try harder, I just still am seriously terrified of people. Never was like I am now until about a month ago. It hurts to even think about it, so I won’t. I have really not done much other than look for me. Wednesday it was cloudy and rained most of the day. Went for a walk and sat on a park bench. I
Was there more than an hour and completely drenched from the rain. But it was worth it to smell the rain and hear it land in the trees. This did two things for me, first I established a pretty exact time the rain had completely soaked my clothes. The other is, my old self loves the rain and smell etc, I was hoping she’d sit next to me.

Reefer Reboot · Jun 14, 2020

Well it's good to hear you're up and about. The things you've been through are no doubt devastating. I, and so many others here I'm sure, wish we could have some magic words to make it all better.

Lasse · Jun 14, 2020

You know the old saying - after rain it comes sunshine .... however not valid in my hometown - there is more like after vertical rain - it comes horizontal rain (and sometime ice during wintertime

But this week have been sunny and warm.

Keep posting Sarah

Sincerely Lasse

Sarah24! · Jun 14, 2020

Lasse said:
You know the old saying - after rain it comes sunshine .... however not valid in my hometown - there is more like after vertical rain - it comes horizontal rain (and sometime ice during wintertime But this week have been sunny and warm.

Keep posting Sarah

Sincerely Lasse

Hello

I have missed you @Lasse I miss your amazing wisdom for all the people that come across your path. As I sat on the bench I was hoping for a rainbow that day, but i think it’s gonna day a long long time.

I will try my hardest, it’s very hard for me atm to be vocal. But I’m trying, for the first time I wish I hadn’t become a doctor. Wish I had been an astronaut, space seems to be much safer place. I think of the song from Elton John rocket man, Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone. Maybe that’s why they are the rocket man, they too are afraid of just how cruel and mean people can be. I haven’t lost my mind, I promise, but if I ever do, I hope they drop me off in a pasture or the forest. I would horrifically be terrified if they took me to the hospital.

Lowell Lemon · Jun 14, 2020

Wishing you a better day today and in the days to come. We are all facing challenges these days and the world we knew is changing. By staying together we can overcome and encourage each other through this part of our history. I know it is hard to care for others when our own reserves are low. I find peace in a higher power but that is even a divisive discussion these days. My son is an introvert and as such finds groups of people draining. But he also finds a few close friends and family that get him a boost in his life. Hope you can find the same.

Sarah you have much to offer to the profession but do find ways to pace yourself. Our jobs or professions do not define us but we give definition to them. You are a person with a great heart and compassion for others and that can not be taught it has to be intrinsic.

I wish you courage and strength for the moments you face each day!

By the way it is never to late to change your profession or career path. You are young enough to find out where your path in life is. Many people do not end up where their major studies started out. It is not a failure to change or to embrace a new path. Many successful people have had to find themselves through the path of change.

Lasse · Jun 14, 2020

If you want my wisdom - it easy - just stay around for at least 46 years more

(assuming your 24 is around your age not when you was born

)
A tip - a ton of dark humor is the best thing to handle life - and life happens - whatever you do or want - it just happens. And it happens all people. We all have our own burdens - and getting children rise the burdens more than a tenfold (at least when you spell it teenfold

)

From the time I was a teen

If that did not help or your frends just pick on you - put your speakers on max - open the windows and play this (believe me - I have done it many times)

Sincerely Lasse

NS Mike D · Jun 14, 2020

Glad you are doing better. Rain doesn't bother me and I with you,. sometimes the sound of rain is peacefully uplifting and getting wet isn't such a big deal, especially once you accept getting wet.

I lost my battle to dinos earlier in the year and tore it down. The only thing left was the fish. At first the tank look like a dessert, but not as bad as the container of death over the year or so during the losing side of the dino fight.

Cool thing is that after tearing down the tank and rebuild, starting over has been great for my regaining my enthusiasm for the hobby. I still rue losing all those corals however all the new life make me smile at my tank again. A good place to be.

Over the years I have had huge ups and downs. At one point I was washed out out to sea at night for 17+ hours with nothing more than a life vest. What I do know is that there are battles to over come on the way up and well as the way down on any journey and I'll take those battles any day over ennui.

Teddy Roosevelt said it best :

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

When life knocks you down, smile at the blessing of another opportunity to experience the greatness of overcoming the set back.

Brew12 · Jun 14, 2020

Sarah24! said:
Hello

I have missed you @Lasse I miss your amazing wisdom for all the people that come across your path. As I sat on the bench I was hoping for a rainbow that day, but i think it’s gonna day a long long time.

I will try my hardest, it’s very hard for me atm to be vocal. But I’m trying, for the first time I wish I hadn’t become a doctor. Wish I had been an astronaut, space seems to be much safer place. I think of the song from Elton John rocket man, Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone. Maybe that’s why they are the rocket man, they too are afraid of just how cruel and mean people can be. I haven’t lost my mind, I promise, but if I ever do, I hope they drop me off in a pasture or the forest. I would horrifically be terrified if they took me to the hospital.

I have to admit that I love the rain, also. People look at me like I am crazy when I walk my dog in the rain without a jacket on. I do wear a hat... rain is great when it isn't pelting your eyeballs. That part is less great.
If I had to guess, you became a doctor because you wanted a profession that would allow you to buy a lot of very expensive and cutting edge toys for your reef aquarium. Or maybe because you wanted to help people... I'm guessing one of those two is probably accurate.

I found that I am much happier when I judge myself based on my actions and intentions. If I offer to help someone and they reject that help, or act like they don't appreciate it, I still feel good about myself because I made the attempt. It is much harder when someone you love does something that hurts, but you can't own those actions. It is important to accept what you can and can't control. Make the best decisions you can based on the information you have at the time, and always try to do the right thing. Then, no matter what the results, you can know you have done your part in trying to make things right. If you try to own the negative actions of everyone around you, you will never find happiness.
Well, I could find happiness because I can enjoy frozen margarita's by the pool which is what I'm going to be doing in a few minutes.

Since you are alcohol intolerant, I don't recommend that. I'd stick with doing the right thing and not taking ownership for other peoples negative actions.

vetteguy53081 · Jun 14, 2020

Sarah24! said:
Hello,

I’m sorry friends since November I have been stuck in the 5th rink of hell. I have tried to take some time to just find me. I’ve been looking all over and she’s not around. I’m trying to make a goal of posting at least once a day. To make a long story short and less painful, I have to basically start over on my tank. My fish thankfully are okay and well. Corals, well I lost about 80% of them. So I’m just working on stabilizing it again. Maybe after a
Month if I see others doing well, then I will add more to it. I did get rid of the gha, no idea how to be honest. I changed photo period from 12 hours to 8 hours and my tank sits next to my back door. It would get some morning sunlight. So I put a towel up to black it out. I wanted to paint the tank glass, but was afraid of fumes.

I realized that I really don’t have friends that do things with me. I always put school and work first. It was nice to have my friends here. I’m also sorry that I haven’t been a very good friend. I will try harder, I just still am seriously terrified of people. Never was like I am now until about a month ago. It hurts to even think about it, so I won’t. I have really not done much other than look for me. Wednesday it was cloudy and rained most of the day. Went for a walk and sat on a park bench. I
Was there more than an hour and completely drenched from the rain. But it was worth it to smell the rain and hear it land in the trees. This did two things for me, first I established a pretty exact time the rain had completely soaked my clothes. The other is, my old self loves the rain and smell etc, I was hoping she’d sit next to me.

Great to hera from you Sarah !! No apologies and you are doing what you should be doing. . . . . . Putting YOU first.
Sorry to hear on tank losses but we all endure a loss of some sort. My CA reactor got plugged up and sent my alk in the 14's and of course some SPS suffered but my favorites made it through. As for direct sun which can be harmful in some ways. . rather than painting glass and windows, I simply get 30" X 24" construction sheets in school area at Walmart in black at .92 cents each and tape it on so that there is no paint mess or removal when the time comes.
GHA probably died from toxins as sps emitted some when dying.
Putting school first is not necessarily a bad thing and we all know pays off . Its just the wait to finally graduate that is frustrating.
Rain? It comes from heaven and you just got showered with blessings. Many people and things will argue with you- Rain never will. My yard and flowers have never been greener because of rain and is always welcomed by me.
Reading your note. . one thing I see is Sarah has healed. It was a journey but appears to be less pain- More normalcy in physical and mental status and for that -A REASON TO CELEBRATE !
I think many more you will see, support you and are glad you are well. Reflect on that when you feel down. Life itself is overwhelming and I think it is safe to say, we are living in the toughest times with what has happened in 12 weeks as a nation and to survive any of it is an accomplishment never to be forgotten.