Depressed

Kubbster · Jul 9, 2024

Hi everyone,

Just for background. I hadn't owned an aquarium since high school (a little 20 gallon with a goldfish). I went to an aquarium store and got hooked almost immediately after I started my new job. I started a 180 g saltwater aquarium approximately 2 years ago. I used the aquaforest 790 kit, with the rock, sand etc. Seeded my aquarium with bottled bac into the aquaforest rock, AF salt, Neptune Apex, Trident, MP40s, Neptune Sky, ATO, Reefmat, etc. Easily spent 15k-18k on this setup.

I have a job where I work sometimes 60-80 hours /week, and then want to spend time with my wife and kids. Feels like I have very little time left for my reef tank. As a result, I believe it suffers, and the corals/inhabitants don't get all the attention they need. I have killed so many corals, it makes my stomach churn thinking about the loss of life/money that I have caused.

I want to have something beautiful to look at, without so much maintenance, watching parameters, etc. Maybe it's not possible, maybe I am being unrealistic.

I have been thinking about possibly transitioning the tank to a freshwater setup? Thoughts?

I feel like my duties as a father/husband are becoming strained and I hate feeling like this, while simultaneously having a tank that is neglected. When I do something, I don't feel right if I give it half effort.

Any advice possible would be much appreciated. Thank you guys!

Brine · Jul 9, 2024

I hear you there. My partner and I felt a very similar personal strain and as such we've decided to plan and start up a smaller system in the near future. Bigger isn't always better

kvansloo · Jul 9, 2024

Maybe turn it to fish and live rock for now and once you can get back to it, all you have to do is add coral.

1112-425XL · Jul 9, 2024

Priorities! Family and work come first. Shut it down and restart when you retire.

BrokenReefer · Jul 9, 2024

What about hiring a company to do the upkeep/maintenance for you and you can just enjoy the tank and not have to worry about that part of it? I don't know if your financial position would allow for that added expense but it might offset you having to OOP those costs.

steveschuerger · Jul 9, 2024

I agree with @kvansloo , you’ve already got the basics. Just forgo coral for now and do fowlr for now. There’s plenty of nice looking fish that are hardy. And then maybe when things settle start settling down at some point start adding a few hardier softies like leathers..

Uncle99 · Jul 9, 2024

Kubbster said:
Hi everyone,

Just for background. I hadn't owned an aquarium since high school (a little 20 gallon with a goldfish). I went to an aquarium store and got hooked almost immediately after I started my new job. I started a 180 g saltwater aquarium approximately 2 years ago. I used the aquaforest 790 kit, with the rock, sand etc. Seeded my aquarium with bottled bac into the aquaforest rock, AF salt, Neptune Apex, Trident, MP40s, Neptune Sky, ATO, Reefmat, etc. Easily spent 15k-18k on this setup.

I have a job where I work sometimes 60-80 hours /week, and then want to spend time with my wife and kids. Feels like I have very little time left for my reef tank. As a result, I believe it suffers, and the corals/inhabitants don't get all the attention they need. I have killed so many corals, it makes my stomach churn thinking about the loss of life/money that I have caused.

I want to have something beautiful to look at, without so much maintenance, watching parameters, etc. Maybe it's not possible, maybe I am being unrealistic.

I have been thinking about possibly transitioning the tank to a freshwater setup? Thoughts?

I feel like my duties as a father/husband are becoming strained and I hate feeling like this, while simultaneously having a tank that is neglected. When I do something, I don't feel right if I give it half effort.

Any advice possible would be much appreciated. Thank you guys!

Life surely gets in the way!

You have two years time invested, the first year usually a tough battle.

Many of us have shut down tanks for years but just as many, start up down the road.

But at the end of the day, family is first.

It would be interesting to see a full tank shot.

For me, the tank is mine and allows me to escape for a few hours, once a week.

Stevorino · Jul 9, 2024

I definitely feel you on all that.

You may have already done this, but have you considered doing an inventory on what time you are spending on the tank each month and seeing how you dial it down to something that works for the family?

My job is very seasonal. This week I may only work 25-30 hours, but in a month it could be 60+. If you can see ahead when the busy times are coming, try to get ahead of the maintenance so you are only spending time doing the most critical things when work cranks up.

Also, depending on how much disposable income you have, consider setting up a robust AWC system. If you are past the ugly stage, getting a 100g holding tank and doing a ~30-50% AWC monthly through an Apex DOS could really cut down your day-to-day duties.

Kubbster · Jul 9, 2024

Thanks everyone for the great suggestions. The FOWLR idea / maintenance company are interesting ideas. I think those would possibly be best.

I have a good amount of disposable income, it's all about time right now.

PharmrJohn · Jul 9, 2024

Kubbster said:
Hi everyone,

Just for background. I hadn't owned an aquarium since high school (a little 20 gallon with a goldfish). I went to an aquarium store and got hooked almost immediately after I started my new job. I started a 180 g saltwater aquarium approximately 2 years ago. I used the aquaforest 790 kit, with the rock, sand etc. Seeded my aquarium with bottled bac into the aquaforest rock, AF salt, Neptune Apex, Trident, MP40s, Neptune Sky, ATO, Reefmat, etc. Easily spent 15k-18k on this setup.

I have a job where I work sometimes 60-80 hours /week, and then want to spend time with my wife and kids. Feels like I have very little time left for my reef tank. As a result, I believe it suffers, and the corals/inhabitants don't get all the attention they need. I have killed so many corals, it makes my stomach churn thinking about the loss of life/money that I have caused.

I want to have something beautiful to look at, without so much maintenance, watching parameters, etc. Maybe it's not possible, maybe I am being unrealistic.

I have been thinking about possibly transitioning the tank to a freshwater setup? Thoughts?

I feel like my duties as a father/husband are becoming strained and I hate feeling like this, while simultaneously having a tank that is neglected. When I do something, I don't feel right if I give it half effort.

Any advice possible would be much appreciated. Thank you guys!

I hear ya Brother. When I exited SW about 12 years ago, I was working 2 jobs that took me to 67 hours a week. I needed to spend time with my wife and kids as well. I completely understand. Family first. Always.

slythy · Jul 9, 2024

I do a lot of traveling. I have most of my tank fully automated and you have the big pieces already.

What parts are taking up your time? I have a 180g sps dominate tank and really only do a couple small tasks each week. I have a 60g fresh/ 60g salt mixing station. So once every month and a half I mix up 60g of salt. I do an auto water change 1g/day with my DOS.

Trident + trident NP test for me. Dont have to worry about about those but once a month/ every 2 months do a calibration check with saliferts.

I have a 30g ATO res so I just use my 60g of fresh water to top that up when it gets low. Working on putting a line straight from my rodi unit to just fill and autostop with a float switch.

Dosing alk, cal, mag, trace a, trace B and have room for others using 2 more DOS and a jebao doser for things that are less sensitive.

I scrape my glass once a week.

I have 2 AFS auto feeders that I fill once every couple weeks with flake.

The things that take me the longest is gluing in new frags lol.

I bet I could get my total tank duties down under 1hour a week if I wanted. But I spend a little extra time because I can lol.

Family first, so automate everything to spend more time with them.

GARRIGA · Jul 9, 2024

Walked away from converting my 90s SW tank to reef because little time available to maintain it. Got to the point the tank was taken down and didn't return to keeping any fish until 2015. Now I'm 60 thinking I'll have the time but fishing, vacation and family don't allow it therefore I'm going build a low maintenance tank absent all the fancy internet click worthy equipment. Life will be chosen that fits my attention allowance and not the other way around.

No sump. No skimmer. Fuge/ATS solve excess house co2 and grown Triton style which I call Commando. Dosing AFR to keep it simple. Will have a controller since I'll be the only one monitoring. Closed loop system to provide most of the flow requirements using canisters and an UG filter for when I want to stir the bottom and have detritus sucked out auto style. Custom AIO with expanded sumps to accommodate all equipment. I'm fine with mushrooms, sponges and fish if that's what will live. I'm also having the challenge of one 15 amp that is shared with 65" TV and annual Christmas Tree. Wife has to have latter. Yet I want a big tank. Last I'm doing is slaving after a life working my butt off to get where I am. Keep it simple. Chasing pipe dreams never been my thing.

Polymate3D · Jul 9, 2024

As most people have said, family comes 1st, but at the same time, if it helps you wind down and destress when you can stop for a moment, I am sure there are ways you can stay in the hobby.

The 1st thing that screams out, likely because I am from the UK with smaller places, is do you need it to be 180G? A water change for example is a big time commitment vs say a 10<20G nano reef setup.

I struggle with my family time, although I do all the cooking and food related stuff, so I am in the kitchen a lot, so my experimental baby 0.7L (0.2G) aquarium is in there and allows me to turn around and admire it on and off.

There are many fish that you can get away with pellet based foods on a automatic feeder, and soft corals will be rather hardy against light levels and water quality. A much smaller tank will naturally make the maintenance that much less.

The combination of a 10<20G softie tank with a few fish should be okay with just weekly water changes of 10<20% which is only a gallon or 2. Literally a jug to take it out and back in will do the job. A local fish store can probably sell you premixed salt water too so you have it ready for when you need it.

The amazing and sadly passed Jake Adams showed there setup of a nano aquarium with 2 clownfish and soft corals which had no water change at all for a entire year and they went okay!

You are working super hard and when I hear of a 180G aquarium, I hear a pretty solid commitment when it comes to keeping it running.

Whichever way you go, I hope you can get your own health and happiness back on track. Good luck!

- Paul

ZzyzxRiver · Jul 9, 2024

Are your kids too young to help out? Even just helping hold something for you while you fiddle around and explain to them how everything works? No reason they can’t learn and enjoy the tank along with you!

exnisstech · Jul 9, 2024

kvansloo said:
Maybe turn it to fish and live rock for now and once you can get back to it, all you have to do is add coral.

steveschuerger said:
I agree with @kvansloo , you’ve already got the basics. Just forgo coral for now and do fowlr for now. There’s plenty of nice looking fish that are hardy. And then maybe when things settle start settling down at some point start adding a few hardier softies like leathers..

^This ^
Automation may work but you would probably spend more time learning the system then trouble shooting it when stuff goes wrong than you are now. That said I have no experience with controllers or any desire to run them after all the post I see here with issues.

Slocke · Jul 9, 2024

I’m not going to pretend this is the prettiest tank in the world but it takes practically no maintenance. I clean the skimmer once a week and remove cheato once a month. That and feeding the fish is all. GSP is as easy as freshwater plants and im sure I could add others like mushrooms.

Miami Reef · Jul 9, 2024

FOWLR systems are great! Saltwater fish are very pretty.

VintageReefer · Jul 9, 2024

@Kubbster
Read post 1 on my tank thread

You can read the whole thing or jump to the last 2-3 pages for current pics of my nearly maintenance free setup

All I basically do is feed and add top off water with all for reef mixed in. I spend less than 10 minutes a week on this

Reefer Matt · Jul 9, 2024

Kubbster said:
Hi everyone,

Just for background. I hadn't owned an aquarium since high school (a little 20 gallon with a goldfish). I went to an aquarium store and got hooked almost immediately after I started my new job. I started a 180 g saltwater aquarium approximately 2 years ago. I used the aquaforest 790 kit, with the rock, sand etc. Seeded my aquarium with bottled bac into the aquaforest rock, AF salt, Neptune Apex, Trident, MP40s, Neptune Sky, ATO, Reefmat, etc. Easily spent 15k-18k on this setup.

I have a job where I work sometimes 60-80 hours /week, and then want to spend time with my wife and kids. Feels like I have very little time left for my reef tank. As a result, I believe it suffers, and the corals/inhabitants don't get all the attention they need. I have killed so many corals, it makes my stomach churn thinking about the loss of life/money that I have caused.

I want to have something beautiful to look at, without so much maintenance, watching parameters, etc. Maybe it's not possible, maybe I am being unrealistic.

I have been thinking about possibly transitioning the tank to a freshwater setup? Thoughts?

I feel like my duties as a father/husband are becoming strained and I hate feeling like this, while simultaneously having a tank that is neglected. When I do something, I don't feel right if I give it half effort.

Any advice possible would be much appreciated. Thank you guys!

To me the family comes first. I quit reefing for twelve years while I traveled in and out of state to support them. Once I finally got a job where I was always home, I got back in. But my babies were older kids then, and I missed a lot. Now they are all in their late teens and early twenties, and don’t wanna hang out. So I always suggest family first, because you only get one shot with them.