What a frightening walk I had this morning ;Nailbiting I got up in the middle of the night as I couldn't sleep. I can never sleep. So I went for a walk even though it was pitch black outside and the sun wouldn't rise for at least an hour.
I walked about half a mile and I heard this wild animal that I assumed was a bear. We normally don't have bears here on Long Island New York but there is a train that comes here.
The thing got closer and closer and now it was so close to me that even though it was to dark to see, I could smell penguins and peanut butter on his breath. I think it was Jiffy peanut butter.
All I had with me was my designer, aluminum walking stick with this sexy little strap on top and a rubber tip. I raised the stick hoping to scare the beast but the smell of the peanut butter just got stronger. Now I could hear it's stomach rumbling and I knew I was in trouble.
In the inky darkness it lunged for me and I could feel it's thick fur on my legs. (I also had sexy shorts on that my wife bought me last year)
I stabbed at him with my aluminum walking stick which just made it madder and faster.
My left hand was busy fighting the thing off with the stick while my right hand was trying to put the code in my cell phone so I could take a picture. I just changed the code last week and was having trouble with the last two digits. 7,8,,,,no,,6, 5,,,49?
I took a few pictures but they didn't come out in the dark melee.
I finally put the phone in my mouth so I could reach out with my right hand to try to poke him in the eye, but I missed and grabbed a hank of hair. I think it was his eyebrow. ;Blackeye
I yanked as hard as I could and my hand was full of fur. The creature screamed and seemed to rear up because I could feel him brush my head as I assumed he was falling. I then heard him crawling off into the forest, defeated and broken.
He never tussled with a bald, retired, electrician I guess and he never will again.
On my way back I had to walk through that same place. I expected to see a blood trail heading off into the trees but all I saw was this little squirrel with no tail.
The squirrel was eating a jar of peanut butter. Now don't think this squirrel had anything to do with my "bear" encounter because this squirrel was eating "Peter Pan" peanut butter and not "jiffy" which smells completely different.
If any of the pictures come out I could prove it.
Not that I've ever done such a thing....nope, never. 
;Hilarious 
