Do Female Reefers have it easier?

BRS
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My wife is great but when if a fish dies she gets pretty upset and annoyed and starts to question why we have a tank when ‘everything just dies’ which of course is FAR from the truth. Annoying really because it’s an unfortunate part of the hobby and I feel crap enough about it as it is.

She is definitely into the hobby though and she can’t wait to get lights and corals next and has chosen most of the fish lol.

I do all the maintenance which is fine because it’s my hobby.
 
AS
I have had my tank longer than my wife, and we are married for 46 years.
She would never say anything about what I say about what I spend on my tank, or boat.

I do the bills and learned what it costs for women hair cuts/styles/ facials etc.
One of those is about the same as 14 copperband butterflies and a couple of purple tangs. :oops:
 
^^^What Paul said!^^^

I started my first marine tank in 1988 or so. I met my wife in 1999. At first she was a bit ambivalent about the tanks and certainly was surprised at the associated costs. Although I still do all the maintenance, she is now actively involved in choosing fish and corals. If I could just get it through to her that gsp/xenia will never be a part of the systems!

We recently attended the CORA swap. She picked out all the frags. I just tagged along and carried the cooler!

IMHO, a vital part of a healthy relationship is allowing the other person to pursue what makes them happy (within reason of course). I have my tanks and my woodworking, she scrapbooks and makes some of the most beautiful Christmas cards for friends and family. We both get what we need when we need it knowing that the other supports us in our pastimes.
 
Tidal Gardens
It's MY house, MY reef tank (beats fists on chest then drags knuckles on floor)!

I was actually pitching the thought of a reef bowl for my desk which is in our bedroom. She "supports" it, but brought up our thoughts of simplifying our life....she's right. I have other projects going on. We both have hobbies, last year we converted "our" spare room into her music room. Most of my hobbies are outdoor hobbies, fishing and gardening.
 
I’ve never understood the you have to ask for permission before buying that scenario.

me and my wife are both adults, we’re both financially responsible. I pay the mortgage and electric bill, she pays for everything else. As long as those bills are paid and we’re putting the right amount into savings every pay period, why would I care what she buys or vice versa.

she enjoys the tank and wished she had a hobby she could be dedicated to as much as me with the tank, though she thinks I’m obsessed with it


.....I do however get told to clean the skimmer cup in the laundry sink
 
I think its not easier for neither if the other is not involved in hobbie or at least understand that its a hobbie and you have the other to live.
Reefing may be expensive (not a rule), but at least you have to be at home! ;)
 
Deltec
GregOyeah said:
I’ve never understood the you have to ask for permission before buying that scenario.

me and my wife are both adults, we’re both financially responsible. I pay the mortgage and electric bill, she pays for everything else. As long as those bills are paid and we’re putting the right amount into savings every pay period, why would I care what she buys or vice versa.

she enjoys the tank and wished she had a hobby she could be dedicated to as much as me with the tank, though she thinks I’m obsessed with it


.....I do however get told to clean the skimmer cup in the laundry sink
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I think of it this way. Let's say I go buy a 75 gallon tank right now without consulting my wife. We would have to find a place to put it in our living space. We spent two years consolidating our stuff into my tiny home. Of course I wouldn't just go out on a whim and buy a big tank...because I am an adult and know the limitations of our living space. I have the same thought when she wants to get another dog or cat of her own..when one of our current pets pass on we can discuss it again. It's less about money and finances and more about time and responsibility.
 
fish farmer said:
I think of it this way. Let's say I go buy a 75 gallon tank right now without consulting my wife. We would have to find a place to put it in our living space. We spent two years consolidating our stuff into my tiny home. Of course I wouldn't just go out on a whim and buy a big tank...because I am an adult and know the limitations of our living space. I have the same thought when she wants to get another dog or cat of her own..when one of our current pets pass on we can discuss it again. It's less about money and finances and more about time and responsibility.
Click to expand...

Obviously if you’re going to buy something that is going to affect the decor and living space in the house then yes that would require a discussion beforehand. Coming home with a 100gal tank and expecting them to deal with it is just disrespectful

I’m talking about the folks In the live sale threads who have to talk to their wife before they buy another $100 frag. Or wants to upgrade their skimmer and needs to talk to their wife first.
 
MurphyJ said:
Or are male Reefers just Drama Queens?

I see so many posts where men say:

Male: My wife/GF complains about the cost of corals “I would buy xxx but the SN would freak out!”

Me: Husband never questions what I spend.

Male: I pour skimmer into the sink when she is not around.

Me: I dump skimmer in the kitchen sink and clean it there. I do chase it with Dawn and wipe down. Him “why don’t you do that when we have parties? Would clear the house faster!”

Male: I would like xxx but the SN would freak out over the cost.

Me: I bought xxx for xxx. Him “Jesus, you could make a down payment for for that!” Me “Yeah, but the corals will really be happier.“ Him “well, what about that Gold Fish (he calls all fish not Tangs or Clowns Gold Fish) , the one I like, will it make him happy?“ Me “Yeah he will like it because . . . (Long scientific reason which makes him zone out)”

So, easier or just Drama Queens?
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I would say people who like to talk about “woe is me stories post woe is me incidents”. If we postulate that the hobby is male dominated (I have no idea), then we might see more male postings on the woe is me stories than females.

i think a better question is who thinks pouring waste from an aquarium into a kitchen sink is the correct use of a food preparation area?
 
Avast
I think we all know why, but the explanation probably doesn't fall within the forums "be nice" policy lol.

Short answer is drama queens
 
I guess I'm lucky, I have a few hobbies, one is the tank, one is building tables, and I'm also a dealer mechanic. So i spend ALOT of money on tools I really dont need but make the job easier(and they look really pretty in my toolbox haha) but when I spend money on the tank or my other hobbies she just shakes her head and says where are the corals gonna fit, bc the tanks full... now I have a frag tank to fill. Lol. I keep it clean and dont let anything smell bad. So she dont care. And I dont question the shoes that show up lol. It's a win win.
 
Dan_P said:
I would say people who like to talk about “woe is me stories post woe is me incidents”. If we postulate that the hobby is male dominated (I have no idea), then we might see more male postings on the woe is me stories than females.

i think a better question is who thinks pouring waste from an aquarium into a kitchen sink is the correct use of a food preparation area?
Click to expand...

Let's take it away from the hobby perspective. I worked in a male dominated office and I hear the "my wife spent this and that, etc, etc" usually from folks who want to complain in general.
 
Ecoscape Reef Rock
motortrendz said:
I guess I'm lucky, I have a few hobbies, one is the tank, one is building tables, and I'm also a dealer mechanic. So i spend ALOT of money on tools I really dont need but make the job easier(and they look really pretty in my toolbox haha) but when I spend money on the tank or my other hobbies she just shakes her head and says where are the corals gonna fit, bc the tanks full... now I have a frag tank to fill. Lol. I keep it clean and dont let anything smell bad. So she dont care. And I dont question the shoes that show up lol. It's a win win.
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This is pretty much my situation. Carpentry and making beer are my 2nd favorite hobbies
 
My husband and I are in this hobby together, that’s what makes it easier I think. We share maintenance duties and even feeding the fish. He gives them lunch and I give them dinner. When it comes to how much to spend on equipment, I usually do research on what we want/need and then we decide together if it’s worth the expense and if we really need it. Fish we pick out together but I have a weak spot for coral. He pretty much let’s me spend what I want but I use him as my conscious so I don’t go crazy and spend too much.
 
Most women probably control the household.....where smelly things are dumped......how much money is spent.....etc. If it wasn't for my wife keeping me in line, I would be dumping skimmate in the kitchen sink (instead of the toilet where she insists it is dumped) and I would also have top of the line everything......which means we would probably be living in a cardboard box somewhere lol. Now since women are controlling the households....they can do whatever they want, whenever they want :):)
 
Nutramar Foods
Waters said:
Most women probably control the household.....where smelly things are dumped......how much money is spent.....etc. If it wasn't for my wife keeping me in line, I would be dumping skimmate in the kitchen sink (instead of the toilet where she insists it is dumped) and I would also have top of the line everything......which means we would probably be living in a cardboard box somewhere lol. Now since women are controlling the households....they can do whatever they want, whenever they want :):)
Click to expand...

Huh....I still dump skimmate down the kitchen sink and leave empty cat food cans in there as well and "control" the finances, pay the bills, mortages, etc. She's better at balancing her checkbook though.
 
BRS

IF YOU HAD TO TAKE A REEFING EXAM, WOULD YOU PASS?

  • Yes!

    Votes: 32 45.7%

  • Not yet, but I have one that I want to buy in mind!

    Votes: 9 12.9%

  • No.

    Votes: 26 37.1%

  • Other (please explain).

    Votes: 3 4.3%
See comments…

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