Do Female Reefers have it easier?

[Mayerlyn A]

I don't think us females have it any "easier"...... I think it comes down to each individual relationship. You either respect each others passions and hobbies or you don't. My hubby zones out when I speak fish geek and I'm no better when he goes on endlessly about motorcycles but I'll go for a ride with him any day and he loves to admire the tanks. As far as money goes, as long as the bills are paid and we are spending within our means, neither of us cares what the other buys. Who wouldn't want to see the person they love most in the world happy? ❤

This is exactly it. Couldn't have said it better my self.

On another note, in general I find that female reefers have a harder time being taken seriously by their male counterparts. Also , walk into LFS with my husband and they always approach him first, and it's frustrating. He promptly points them in my direction and they get the point.

 

[NanoDJS]

The way I see the OPs ? it is truly a statement about observational behaviors in today's society. Where most women are in charge , most men reefers are drama queen's because they cow tow to the woman's wants and cant have what they want . When most woman want to reef they do what they want and the man cow tows to that. Its social engineering and has been documented profusely in Game Theory . Astute observation. A lot of money ,time ,and effort went into that cultural change for better or worse , it is here. Then you have the people who are just normal like the above post , and have a healthy respectful relationship.

 

[stanleo]

I'm a man with a husband and he is constantly telling me how much I can spend and complains when I use kitchen utensils for the tank and when I change the water and make a mess of the whole downstairs doing so. I figured it was just a spouse thing but if a woman's husband lets her get away with more than mine does than they definitely have it easier.

That said, there have been times like when he spent 700 on the new lights without asking or when he went to the LFS and brought home 9 fish while I was at work.

 

[Auquanut]

Everyone's family dynamic is different. My sister has been married for 40 years. If Robin and Chris weren't constantly needling each other, I don't think either would be happy. I know they love each other very much. It's just who they are.

Lynna and I are completely different. The only major purchase I ever insisted on was replacing her 15 year old Pontiac Montana with a new car 6 months before planned. She really hated that van. As far as reefing goes, Lynna is tolerant and proud of what I've accomplished. She even asked for a flame angel for Christmas. Blew my mind!

So, do female reefers (or any area of home-life) have it easier? Probably sometimes. Sometimes not. It all depends on the family dynamic. Who's to say what's right?

 

[MurphyJ]

My wife lets me use her blender to make my own food. She lets me use her measuring cups for stuff. She picks out the fish and coral. She does ask will I go well in the tank. Heather is awesome.

LOL! My husband bought me my own measuring spoons and cups so I would not “steal” his.

 

[stanleo]

Also , walk into LFS with my husband and they always approach him first, and it's frustrating. He promptly points them in my direction and they get the point.

It's funny you say that. I have always found a 50:50 men to women ratio on the forums I have been involved in. Sometimes it seems there are more women than men in this hobby but if it's not a grocery store, people always talk to the man first. I like people watching and I notice that all the time when I am in a store.

 

[Auquanut]

On another note, in general I find that female reefers have a harder time being taken seriously by their male counterparts. Also , walk into LFS with my husband and they always approach him first, and it's frustrating. He promptly points them in my direction and they get the point.

Unfortunately I don't think that is something that will change anytime soon. It seems like ther are just more male reefers than female. I have no idea why. For what it's worth, a lot of the members that I respect the most here on R2R are female. There really should be no separation in my opinion.

 

[Mayerlyn A]

Unfortunately I don't think that is something that will change anytime soon. It seems like ther are just more male reefers than female. I have no idea why. For what it's worth, a lot of the members that I respect the most here on R2R are female. There really should be no separation in my opinion.

R2R is the exception. I love this forum so much because I have always felt welcomed.

 

[Admann]

My Wife thinks I'm an idiot.

But only when it comes to the tank, otherwise she thinks I'm wonderful.

 

[NanoDJS]

Sally Jo was my goto OG for taking people seriously in reefing , female reefers helped make this hobby serious , so I have no idea what this feeling stems from. I take people as seriously as they take themselves and their craft whatever it is , if your a bum I dont give ya two seconds , male or female or otherwise ....

 

[bryanfuel]

Actually I don't have it bad at all...she loves the tank and her pottery hobby isn't exactly cheap.

That’s the trick! Is to make sure your SO gets into a hobby that also spends a bunch of money

 

[Mariette]

I dunno. My husband let's me get whatever I want. Upgraded to a bigger tank and everything. Took a bit of convincing but he was on board eventually

 

[LadyMac]

Haha drama queens!

Nah I think it’s dependent on the individuals and their relationship. My husband knows I won’t spend it if I don’t have it. I do still ask if he minds. Mostly. I ordered something the other day and told him after lol. He doesn’t mind. I’m the same with him.

 

[MurphyJ]

My wife is great but when if a fish dies she gets pretty upset and annoyed and starts to question why we have a tank when ‘everything just dies’ which of course is FAR from the truth. Annoying really because it’s an unfortunate part of the hobby and I feel crap enough about it as it is.

She is definitely into the hobby though and she can’t wait to get lights and corals next and has chosen most of the fish lol.

I do all the maintenance which is fine because it’s my hobby.

Truman, our male GSM clown passed away 2 months ago. He was 19 years old. We watched him grow from a 1/2” fry. The LFS gave him to me because he was so small. We both took that loss hard. Bess, our female GSM still runs the tank but isn’t as aggressive as she was when younger. She was abt 3” when we got her so I’m guessing she is at least 20 years old. My husband keeps asking me to find “ senior fish food” for her.

 

[KSUChemist]

I don't think us females have it any "easier"...... I think it comes down to each individual relationship. You either respect each others passions and hobbies or you don't. My hubby zones out when I speak fish geek and I'm no better when he goes on endlessly about motorcycles but I'll go for a ride with him any day and he loves to admire the tanks. As far as money goes, as long as the bills are paid and we are spending within our means, neither of us cares what the other buys. Who wouldn't want to see the person they love most in the world happy? ❤

We're switched... My wife has the motorcycle and I have the aquarium!

 

[esther]

My husband and I are in this hobby together, that’s what makes it easier I think. We share maintenance duties and even feeding the fish. He gives them lunch and I give them dinner. When it comes to how much to spend on equipment, I usually do research on what we want/need and then we decide together if it’s worth the expense and if we really need it. Fish we pick out together but I have a weak spot for coral. He pretty much let’s me spend what I want but I use him as my conscious so I don’t go crazy and spend too much.

Same!

 

[esther]

I'm a man with a husband and he is constantly telling me how much I can spend and complains when I use kitchen utensils for the tank and when I change the water and make a mess of the whole downstairs doing so. I figured it was just a spouse thing but if a woman's husband lets her get away with more than mine does than they definitely have it easier.

That said, there have been times like when he spent 700 on the new lights without asking or when he went to the LFS and brought home 9 fish while I was at work.

9 fish!! haha. I love that.

 

[fish farmer]

LOL! My husband bought me my own measuring spoons and cups so I would not “steal” his.

I have to remember to buy a turkey baster....for turkey. Almost used the reef one for Thanksgiving....

 

[Sashaka]

I can't help but be jealous after reading how well many of the members here have come to amicable agreements with their significant others about how to spend money for the hobby. Over the years the main breadwinner in my household has switched from my husband to the me. And even though I now make more money than he does, if my purchases do not hold some interest for him, I get an ear full. Unfortunately, he could care less about my tanks, so fish and fish keeping supplies are always a waste of money to him... even though he spends tons of money on his own habits...golf, beer, hunting, beer, socializing, beer... I just stopped asking... or telling... what I spend. I have my own credit card that he never sees and does not have to help make payments on. We're both happier that way. LOL

And I have separate turkey basters etc., for all my tanks that I don't use for human purposes. I do steam clean my sump socks in the washing machine but bleach them in a pail first. I guess that puts me in the middle of the spectrum of what I would call conscientious about fish husbandry needs but not a true germaphobe. Hehe

 

[robbyg]

My wife loves the Tank when it looks great and sympathizes with me when things go wrong.
She keeps me in check at times when I am about to go overboard. She never says no, because it's my money I am spending and we each keep a portion of our money for our own toys but she simply asks me do I really think it's worth the $$$. That will wake me up as she never does that unless she thinks my deep needs are clouding my common sense. It works both ways as I keep her in check with her hobbies. We both help each other with our hobbies but of course there are limits as to how far she will go with me while working on the tank.