How do you guys convince your spouse when upgrading ?

[User1]

Well, I’ve been hinting her for a while. Already spent the initial setup costs so everything I have will just be transferred over with only the costs for a new tank.

I think she is warming up to the idea as long as I keep the costs down . Yeah, I bought all this stuff and she didn’t know about the up front costs and dedicated time need to maintain a reef. I’m pretty close to sealing the deal lol.

Thanks for the ideas about getting her involved . I think our main issue is our young children and how much time is needed to maintain them. lol my kids just love the tank and stare it every day

Two in college here. It comes down to choices but still very possible to upgrade, grow, and purchase for any hobby. You and yours have to support one another so you don't cross a line that could impact you all. Believe it or not that builds the relationship.

Example mine was all in for the 210 upgrade from a 40 breeder. In fact she was like hell, go bigger. All in but that is her personality. Mine is a bit more reserved and cautious having been around the hobby. As I said we have two in college and at home so money isn't as frivolous say as before let us say. Anyway the original plan for my 210 gallon upgrade was to use live rock from TBS to reduce the risk of merging an established 40 breeder into it. Anyway when I looked at everything once I was ready to order I just could not financially do what I wanted without crossing our line So I had to make a compromise and use dry rock instead. Search the web, find Pukani rock, order up 150 lbs, and start a new cycle...

The hobby is expensive, yes. Most are. However, we just need to do our part and see what works for us. Sometimes you can buy something that may seem expensive at first but have sustainability in use in other upgrades. I did this with my skimmer I bought in 2000. I took it out of a box in my garage after I took down a 100 gallon years ago and used it on my 210 upgrade last year. Fantastic that I was able to and saved me 500 bucks or so. Win Win.

Last bit on upgrades. There are hidden or forgetful things to remember. Example I upgraded from a 40 breeder to a 210 gallon. I needed to make the saltwater and proceeded to do so only to realize that I didn't have enough I am used to buying a bag for a 40 gallon tank and now I needed to make 210 gallons....run to the store, or online, just a cost I forgot. It is the little things like that that can over run the upgrade or maybe add up a bit that we didn't consider.

Test kits, salt, additives, etc. Doable though. Coral wise I shoot for aquaculture and keep my end of price around 10 - 17 dollars a frag including shipping. You got this!

 

[Tom Carr]

I see all the big tanks and I envy you guys. How do you do it? My wife is already had it with me with just the 20g AIO nano but I want bigger! Spending just 15-30 minutes a day will get me “all you care about is your reef” statements

Remember the old saying. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. lol
I told my wife it wouldn't take away from her or the kids time so I do my maintenance after everyone goes to bed or on the weekend when she takes the kids somewhere.
It's been working so far.

Good luck bud. It's always a touchy subject when dealing with a spouse that doesn't understand your love and passion for the hobby. Try little steps by letting her pick out a fish and naming it so she has a little connection to the tank.

 

[Salty Lemon]

I can't speak for the "guys" but I'm a gal and started saving for it. Eventually, we sold our camper and we used the money, plus my savings towards my big tank and supplies. We paid cash. My husband is very supportive and encourages me in my hobbies and in turn, I'm supportive of his. It is only fair.

 

[icedearth15324]

My fiance has been pretty accepting of my hobby. I was very open with her that when we moved in together I wanted a larger tank. She asked me how much it would cost, and if we had room. At one point she offered to pay for half of it, but I said no (for this one). It helps that I've gotten her involved in my hobby and take her to stores and frag swaps.

 

[User1]

My fiance has been pretty accepting of my hobby. I was very open with her that when we moved in together I wanted a larger tank. She asked me how much it would cost, and if we had room. At one point she offered to pay for half of it, but I said no (for this one). It helps that I've gotten her involved in my hobby and take her to stores and frag swaps.

Side note - curious about your username.

 

[Tyguy35]

LOL - mine named all the fish, but the coral? that's a first i heard of that! Love it though

Well she did name the wrasse lol

 

[Qasimja]

my wife has her hobbies i have mine she doesn't complain been married 17 years this is the best way to keep down arguments she likes to look at the tank and asks general questions but otherwise shows no interest in reef keeping lol

 

[Salty Lemon]

Thanks for the ideas about getting her involved . I think our main issue is our young children and how much time is needed to maintain them. lol my kids just love the tank and stare it every day

All I can say about marriage and young children is that it is exhausting. My husband and I argued more when we had little ones than we do now. (Although I did get a phone call from the assistant principal about my 13-year-old last week that I lost sleep over.) While I don't know your situation, when we had young ones, we had little money and more stress. The idea of a larger tank and the expense can be overwhelming to a spouse, and things may be said negatively. So start saving in a drawer or savings account, and plan on paying in cash. She will be more understanding than just saying you want to spend $_____ for a larger tank. Good luck. I'm anxious to eventually see that build thread. ;Happy

 

[Strawberry]

I usually do a TON of shopping around and prove that I’ve really considered the item I’m purchasing as well as making sure I’m getting a good deal on it.

 

[jeffchapok]

I just sit her down and tell her how it's going to be.

 

[pdxmonkeyboy]

In all seriousness, if your wife doesn't want you to have the things you can afford because it makes you happy.... then what does she want?

 

[splitting_lanes]

I took my wife to the store with me when I went to pickup the new biocube. Unfortunately the new biocube had a crack in it. My wife saw the ReaSea tanks and said “Let’s upgrade”

im a lucky guy.

 

[LisaMarie]

This thread is hilarious ....especially since I'm the wife and the reefer. Surely your wives have to be interested in something. My husband is into motorcycles. We've been married 25 years and having our hobbies has kept us sane and happily married. I don't complain about bike parts and he doesn't complain about anything for the tanks. I go on an occasional ride with him and he thinks the tanks are beautiful. Just encourage her to find something she is passionate about and support her in it!

 

[Hemmdog]

It’s very easy; Show your S.O. pictures of awesome rare fish on marine collectors or equivalent, the fish are amazing but most need a pretty big tank. They fall in love with the idea of big beautiful colorful fish, they adapt to allow for an adequate sized home to keep the fish they now want and have them in a tank large enough that they will be healthy. You get the tank, then keep pushing off the rare fancy fish until you can afford them. Works like a charm.

For frag tanks you go with the “additional income stream” pitch. That one is easy too.

 

[Magellan]

Man this thread is gold! Especially seeing as how I’m due to tie the knot soon...oh myyy! My SO is the one who introduced me to fishkeeping (freshwater) but now there’s a reef in our house too! I talk her head off about it, but she is understanding and enjoys it being in our living room even if she prefers freshwater.

It’s very unfortunate that she isn’t being supportive, have you tried sitting her down and having a serious conversation? Explain how important the reef is to you, and see what she says. If it comes down to the reef or her, obvious choice...those fish depend on you

 

[Phildago]

I havent been able to just yet. I have noticed that she is starting to like the tank more now that I've been keeping it successfully for awhile and now its not only beautiful but it's becoming impressive. I also don't spend as much on it anymore because I have plenty of livestock and all the equipment. So with these factors combined she has been coming around towards liking the tank.

I suspect that after everything starts to outgrow my tank and m corals are about to grow through the glass it it just look absurd she will likely accept that I need a bigger thank. That's the key for me anyway. If i don't need it then it's a no go. So, if you could make it apparent that you need a larger tank then maybe she'll come around.

 

[pdxmonkeyboy]

Tell her you decided to take up gambling instead. Or strips clubs.. strip clubs are a popular activity for guys.

 

[Salty Lemon]

I just sit her down and tell her how it's going to be.

If you take this advice, make certain you have your last will and testament plus all legal things taken care of beforehand. She will kill you in an instant -- no hesitation. ;Hilarious

 

[Hal3134]

I generally consult my wife on larger ticket purchases ($100+). I tell her why I want X, and how it will help. It helps a ton that I really don't spend money on anything else, and I try to be measured in my "asks" for my tank. There are a lot of things that I plan to get eventually (65g water storage tanks, Apex, algae scrubber, Ca reactor), but like I said, I need to pace my spending.

Also, it helps a lot that whenever my wife asks me for a bigger ticket item, I say yes. Lord knows she only asks for a fraction of what I've spent on the tank, so it's an easy "yes" for me.

 

[icedearth15324]

Side note - curious about your username.

Iced Earth is a band I'm a big fan of.